


Though My Eyes Could See (I Still Was A Blind Man)

by ihopethelightwillshineupon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), BAMF Haruno Sakura, Canon-Typical Violence, Chakra exhaustion, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto) Feels, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto)-centric, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Bonding (Naruto), Dai-nana-han | Team 7 as Family (Naruto), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Hurt Hatake Kakashi, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Mostly Canon Compliant, Sick Hatake Kakashi, Team Bonding, Team as Family, There Will Be Lighthearted Scenes I Promise, Whump, everyone needs a hug tbh, look guys i know this is all pretty heavy but i know how pacing works, set in shippuuden before pain's assault, the kids taking care of their sensei, tsunade reluctantly yet quickly adopts the role of Team Grandma(tm), yamato is also there for that good support
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26814550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihopethelightwillshineupon/pseuds/ihopethelightwillshineupon
Summary: Kakashi has always known that he could easily live without his Sharingan. He knows how to compensate for a blind spot. And the eye isn’t his own – losing it would probably cut down on the nightmares and the chakra exhaustion.So he could easily live without his Sharingan.Until it’s actually hisrighteye that he loses.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi & Sai, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Sai, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Yamato | Tenzou, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura & Tsunade, Haruno Sakura & Yamato | Tenzou, Hatake Kakashi & Sai, Hatake Kakashi & Tsunade, Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi & Yamato | Tenzou, Sai & Yamato | Tenzou, Uzumaki Naruto & Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 166
Kudos: 487





	1. Inciting Incident

The fight was over. Finally, and just in time – the members of Team Kakashi had been nearing their limits for _ages_ , or so it felt. It had been hard work, taking out these Sand missing-nin. Team Kakashi’s kids were sitting on the ground, trying to catch their breath. They were tired and sporting cuts and bruises all over, but other than that, they were more or less okay.

Kakashi was leaning against a tree, carefully pulling senbon from his right arm. The senbon had practically immobilized his arm somewhere early on in the fight, which had made it impossible to weave any kinds of signs. Kakashi’s muscles ached; it had been some time since he’d last used this much taijutsu in a fight.

He slowly removed the last senbon from his hand and massaged his upper arm with his other hand. The enemy’s weapons specialist clearly knew what they were doing, and also, _ow_. His arm was probably going to stay numb for a _while_.

He tried once more to flex the fingers of his right hand before giving up and focusing on his surroundings again. Which wasn’t a very pretty sight. The missing-nin had gotten far into Fire territory, and that was pretty bad if you were someone who wanted to keep their village safe. Thankfully, that was also an _advantage_ , because Konoha shinobi were used to fighting in the woods and Sand shinobi were not. Their bodies were now strewn across this open spot in the forest. There had not previously been a glade here, but damage sometimes happened when you were up against Team Kakashi.

On the other side of the glade, Tenzou – or _Yamato_ , as he kept reminding Kakashi – got up from where he’d been checking an enemy’s pulse. “They’re all dead,” he announced, with the kind of calm that only a former ANBU captain could keep while saying those words. “Good job, all of you.”

Naruto looked up at him from his spot on the ground. “That’s kind of a screwed-up thing to say, Yamato-taichou.”

“Why? He’s right,” Sai said. “Accept the compliment, Naruto.”

“Sit still,” Sakura mumbled to Sai from where she was trying to heal his broken ribs.

Naruto sighed loudly. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it, Sai,” he grumbled. He turned to Kakashi, pouting around his split lip – the cut was already healing right before Kakashi’s eyes. “Help me out here, sensei. My teammates are being stupid.”

Kakashi turned a scowl towards Tenzou. “Naruto’s right, Tenzou,” Kakashi said, enjoying how his junior had to physically hold himself back from correcting him. “You could be a little more tactful, here – it’s not _nice_ to say that someone’s death is a good thing.”

Naruto nodded along. “Yeah!”

“And Naruto, you should probably be more careful about picking a fight with an ex-ANBU. ANBU are skilled, and often a bit unstable – Tenzou might suddenly decide to snap your neck in your sleep.” Naruto paled, and Kakashi smiled at him briefly before adopting a more earnest expression. “Seriously, though…” He stepped away from the tree he’d been leaning against. “I’d prefer you saved the banter for when we’re back home. We’re still out in the open, after all, and it’ll be dark soon. We should go back and report, and _then_ you can go out for food or something and bicker all night long, if you want. Sound good?”

Sakura pulled away from Sai and brushed her sweaty hair out of her face. “There – all healed up,” she said to him. “I can heal everyone’s smaller injuries on the way back home, so we’re ready to leave.” She turned to Kakashi. “How’s your arm, Kakashi-sensei?”

He shrugged with the shoulder that wasn’t paralyzed. “Numb, mostly. The senbon weren’t poisoned, though, so it’ll probably be fine by tomorrow.” Previous experiences had taught him that, and those had also taught him that he was going to have a crappy time trying to fall asleep tonight, with one arm that he couldn’t feel. Something to look forward to.

She nodded. “Yeah, you’ll be okay,” she replied, and stretched her arms in front of her. “I’m glad that that’s the worst of it – some broken ribs and an injured arm. All in all, it was a good day.”

“Like I said,” Tenzou said with a smile, “you did well, today.”

Naruto crossed his arms. “You’re just proud of us because we killed some dudes, Yamato-taichou,” he grumbled. “That doesn’t count.”

That earned laughs from everyone. Kakashi watched them fondly – a less patient man would be exasperated that they weren’t acting more seriously after he’d asked them to, but he’d accepted that his kids were just _like that_.

He was already stepping forward, a gentle reminder to keep their guards up and to return home already on his lips, when his instincts picked up something _bad_. His gentle words became a shout, which fell on deaf ears – his teammates simultaneously fell to their knees, each of them unconscious. Kakashi had whipped out a kunai before they’d fully hit the ground.

Genjutsu. That had to be it; that was why he wasn’t affected. His Sharingan blocked genjutsu. And his Sharingan could also pick up very small movements, but he couldn’t see who he was up against. Whoever had cast that genjutsu, was clearly very good at keeping still, and at suppressing their chakra.

This wasn’t good.

He frantically swept his eyes across the trees around him, trying to pick up _any_ kind of movement, _any_ hint of where his opponent could be. He needed to stall for time, as much time as possible. His teammates were vulnerable right now. And with his arm injured like this, he couldn’t weave any signs; he couldn’t break their genjutsu.

But Sakura would probably escape from the genjutsu quickly, though. Kakashi had to make sure that nothing happened to her before that.

The glint of a senbon caught his eye, and that became a dozen of senbon, all aimed at his face and neck. He managed to deflect some of them with his kunai, but he quickly resorted to shielding his face with his arms.

Overwhelmed by the amount of weapons aimed at his face, he almost, _almost_ didn’t notice the sudden burst of chakra in the corner of his eye. _There’s two of them_ , was his first thought, and from then on his mind was filled with nothing but panic.

A second missing-nin burst from the treeline, a fire ninjutsu bubbling dangerously in his hand. He wasn’t even _looking_ at Kakashi – just going straight for his unconscious teammates.

A senbon painfully landed right above Kakashi’s collarbone. He couldn’t bring himself to care. The fire ninjutsu…

They were planning to cremate Kakashi’s teammates alive.

Kakashi didn’t _think_ , acted purely on instinct. He turned away from the avalance of senbon still being fired at him, taking some to the back, and broke into a sprint. Kamui was useless; he couldn’t aim it fast enough to warp the missing-nin away. And there was nothing he had to shield his teammates with. No ninjutsu, no water jutsu, no Mud Wall – nothing.

Nothing…

Except himself.

At the last possible moment, Kakashi threw himself in between the missing-nin and his target. His Sharingan took in the split second of surprised expression on the missing-nin’s face – and then, the fire jutsu exploded against his chest, sending flames against his face. He turned away from it as he fell down, he couldn’t lose his Sharingan here, but that left the right side of his face wide open and it _burned_.

His vision blurred. Kakashi cringed on the ground, but he kept his eyes on the missing-nin’s face, trying to see if he should kick him or roll away or--

Through his blurred vision, Kakashi saw a familiar pink head and a familiar angry chakra signature fly into the missing-nin’s chest. Sakura – he was right to put his faith in her.

That relieved thought was the last thing in his head before his vision first went completely blurry, then completely red, and, finally, completely black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Here I am. Writing angst for the first time in four years. And I’m _so_ happy that I got inspired to step out of my comfort zone for this. I’m really damn excited about this fic idea.
> 
> This fic exists because I always saw Kakashi’s right eye as a much bigger weakness than his Sharingan – he could easily live and fight without using his Sharingan, but if he lost his right eye, that would really have a long-term impact on his day-to-day life, let alone his life as a shinobi. And since this idea is never even _mentioned_ in canon, I decided to explore it myself.
> 
> Like mentioned in the tags, this story is set in some vague time _after_ the Akatsuki Suppression Mission, but _before_ Jiraiya’s death/Pain’s Assault. It’s mostly relevant to know that Yamato/Tenzou and Sai are, at this point, part of Team Kakashi. Sai is trying hard to work on his social and personal development, and he’s also decided to no longer follow orders that go against his beliefs. And Yamato is slowly starting to actually _care_ about Team Kakashi’s kids, instead of just being their leader.
> 
> I want this fic to be at least 20 chapters long, to really allow the plot points to develop in the time they need. This is my first _really_ long fanfic, but I’ve been writing ‘regular’ long stories for years, now. So, please trust that I know what I’m doing? Or, _don’t_ trust me, because I’m about to put your favorite characters through Hell. *evil laugh*


	2. When The Shock Settles In

Tenzou could no longer count on one hand the times he’d thought Kakashi was dead.

Six times. Six times, now, he’d carried his unconscious senior on his back after a mission gone wrong, or explained to the medical-nin what had happened, or waited in a hospital corridor – in today’s case, all three of those.

Sakura was the one who’d broken Tenzou out of the genjutsu. He could hardly describe the shock he’d felt when he’d opened his eyes to Sakura bent over Kakashi’s prone form, her expression no longer that of a professional medical-nin as she examined his raw-looking face. For a long, frightening moment, before he’d found the words to ask Sakura what had happened, Tenzou had truly thought that Kakashi had died this time. And that he hadn’t been able to do _anything_ about it.

Kakashi had been hit with a fire ninjustu at point-blank range. Thankfully, it looked like he’d been hit before the ninjutsu had developed to its fullest form – if that had happened, it would’ve easily killed him, but now, his life had at no point been in danger. Jounin flak jackets were fireproof enough to protect the person wearing it. Kakashi had second-degree burns on his arms, but Sakura had been able to heal those as they made their way back home. The burns had barely even left a scar.

All of that sounded like Tenzou should be relieved about it, and in a way, he was. Kakashi was still alive, and with the help of Sakura’s medical ninjutsu, he probably wouldn’t be in much pain at all. But regardless of that, Tenzou had ended up in a hospital hallway, anxiously waiting in front of a closed door.

Kakashi’s torso had mostly been protected. His limbs had already been healed with minimum damage.

But the fire had found its way upwards as well. Especially the right side of his face had been badly burned. And that was where the problems began.

Tenzou didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but he’d seen the barely-controlled panic on Sakura’s face. She hadn’t dared to try healing Kakashi’s face, instead carefully wrapped it in bandages and said that Lady Tsunade should probably look at it. Sakura, a _medical-nin_ , hadn’t dared to _heal someone_. Tenzou didn’t know very much about medical-nin, but he knew Sakura well enough, so he knew that Kakashi had to be hurt pretty horribly if healing him was beyond Sakura’s capabilities.

So now, he was staring at a closed door, behind which Tsunade and Sakura discussed Kakashi’s fate. Waiting for the two medical-nin to emerge from the hospital room and give him whatever news they were going to give him. He hoped it’d be good news, but he was too much of a realist to expect it.

He sighed. This corridor was too quiet.

“Hey, Yamato-taichou!”

…never mind.

Tenzou turned to Naruto and frowned at him. “You’re not supposed to be here,” he said, but he couldn’t bring himself to truly feel mad.

Behind Naruto, Sai climbed in through the open window as well. “If they didn’t want us to come in, then they should’ve done a better job at keeping us out,” Sai replied with a smile.

“Yeah!” Naruto agreed. “And they should’ve been quicker, too! We got impatient. How long has it been since we got back? An eternity? Two eternities?”

“Twenty minutes,” Tenzou replied.

“That’s too long,” Sai said.

Unfortunately, Tenzou couldn’t disagree with him. Although twenty minutes wasn’t a terribly long time to wait, it _was_ a long time for a medical-nin to do their job. Especially so with _two_ medical-nin, one of which was the best healer in the village. Tenzou crossed his arms to hide the way his shoulders tensed involuntarily.

Next to him, Naruto leaned against the wall. He suddenly looked serious, and it made him look older than he was. It was almost jarring to see this kid act like an adult for once. “I just hope sensei’s okay.”

“It would be rude _not_ to hope so,” Sai said in a gentle tone.

Tenzou hummed, but that wasn’t an adequate reply in this situation at all. “We’ll see what Lady Tsunade has to say.”

“And Sakura,” Naruto added quietly.

“And Sakura,” Tenzou agreed.

As if called, the door to the hospital room opened, and Tsunade and Sakura emerged. Tsunade closed the door behind her, and in one fluid motion, sent a glare Naruto’s and Sai’s way.

“I thought I asked you to wait outside,” she said, crossing her arms.

“That’s true, Lady Hokage,” Sai replied. He suddenly seemed uncomfortable about disobeying her orders. Good.

“We just wanted to know if Kakashi-sensei’s okay,” Naruto added, sounding a lot more comfortable in speaking directly against the Hokage.

Tsunade sighed. “Right – it doesn’t matter, anyway. I should’ve expected you to come in eventually, but I hoped that you’d have _just_ a little more patience.” Her gaze was serious. “I was hoping to discuss this with your captain, but if you’re here anyway, then it can’t be helped.”

Tenzou turned to Naruto and Sai. “The two of you should leave,” he told them. “This might be a difficult conversation.”

“I’m staying.” Naruto didn’t even hesitate. Sai nodded along with him.

“Okay, then.” Tsunade nodded. “As you know, Kakashi received second-degree burns to the face. Sakura and I were able to heal him fairly well, but…”

She took a breath. Tenzou took that second to steel himself. He’d already noticed the paleness of Sakura’s face, the anxious undertone beneath his Hokage’s professionalism.

Her words careful and collected, Tsunade continued: “We weren’t able to save his right eye. It got damaged in the blast. It’s blinded.” Tenzou could see Naruto and Sai flinch in the corner of his eye. “We need to wait to know if it’ll stay blind permanently,” Tsunade said, “but even if it doesn’t, Kakashi will still only see very little on that side. Maybe light and darkness, but not much more than that.”

Tenzou had braced himself for bad news, but his mind regardless went blank with shock. There were a million reactions that he could’ve had to this, a million things that he could say, but he could think of nothing.

Instead, it was Naruto who broke the silence. “Can we… Can we go see him, now?”

Tsunade let them into the hospital room, with a warning that Kakashi was still unconscious and that he might be disoriented when he’d wake up. Which made sense – of course, Kakashi had lost consciousness during a fight, so he really wouldn’t know what situation he would wake up to. Tsunade stayed in the hallway, within shouting distance but far enough away to allow Team Kakashi some privacy.

The room was one with a single bed, standing with the headboard against the wall in the middle of the room. Kakashi was propped upright with pillows, upright enough to properly see his face but sinking into the pillows too heavily for him to be awake. He was still wearing the pants and sweater of his jounin uniform, although they’d probably need to be thrown away with how damaged they had gotten. The medical-nin had thankfully been considerate enough to replace the burned rags of his mask with a clean medical mask – Tenzou was certain that Kakashi wouldn’t have liked it if his students had seen his face while he was unconscious. Tenzou had had to physically shield his senior’s face from Naruto’s and Sai’s curious eyes.

Kakashi’s right eye was wrapped thickly in bandages, which looked just _slightly_ strange, as if Tenzou was looking at Kakashi through a mirror. Some red scarring peeked out from underneath the sterile white. Half of Kakashi’s left eyebrow was missing, and Tenzou couldn’t imagine that there was _anything_ left of his right eyebrow, but it appeared that his hair had been mostly spared.

Tenzou remained standing next to the door – a familiar position, like standing guard. Naruto dragged over two chairs from the side of the room, but only Sakura sat down, her head bowed with exhaustion or sadness. Sai awkwardly stood at a distance, and Naruto leaned against the windowsill. The atmosphere was tense, though in a different way than it had been when they’d still been waiting for news. It was clear that the kids weren’t comfortable.

And it made sense. It made _perfect_ sense that they weren’t okay. Today must’ve been awful for each of them, and Tenzou suddenly wished that he was a little better with words, because Kakashi’s students were still so _young_ , even if they were technically adults in the eyes of shinobi law. They were uncomfortable, and probably scared, and they were clearly in need of reassurance.

Tenzou opened his mouth to say something, _anything_ that might make this moment better, but he instantly stopped when a loud gasp interrupted the silence in the room.

Kakashi bolted upright, his expression wild and his Sharingan glinting a dangerous red.

* * *

For a whole three seconds after Kakashi woke up, he had no clue what was happening. For a whole three seconds, he was convinced that he was still lying on the ground, the missing-nin towering above him, ready to deal whichever killing blow he wanted because Kakashi was _burning_ and _paralyzed_ and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

His Sharingan snapped open – he kept his right eye shut, because seeing two different things with each eye always gave him a headache and his head was feeling shitty enough as it was. There was no one standing over him. That was somehow _worse_. Kakashi bolted upright and scanned for threats, for _anything_ that might kill him within the next second or so. He absent-mindedly noticed the chakra signatures of his teammates – good, they were still alive, at least for now – but any opponents were out of sight. Bad news. They were hiding again. If he didn’t find them soon, who _knew_ what could happen--

“Kakashi-sensei? Are you alright?”

That was Naruto’s voice, and that didn’t really match with Kakashi’s idea of this situation because Naruto was supposed to be trapped in a genjutsu right now, and it was _only then_ that he started to slow down enough to fully take in where he was.

He was inside a room, first of all. The walls were colored a pale shade of pink in the red vision of his Sharingan – they were white walls, then. A hospital room. He finally recognized the surface beneath him as a mattress, too, instead of the ground.

Finally, his eye settled on his teammates’ faces. Naruto, Sai, Sakura, Tenzou. They were all present, and for as far as he could tell, none of them seemed hurt. They were staring at him, though, looking startled and kind of worried. Kakashi suddenly realized that Naruto had just asked him a question, and that he hadn’t been paying attention to what he was saying.

He raised an eyebrow at the kid. “Sorry, what did you say?”

Naruto huffed out a sigh, sounding too relieved to effectively seem exasperated. “I asked you if you’re alright, sensei.”

“Are you in pain?” Sakura added quietly.

Kakashi considered the question. His arms were feeling a little less numb – he could feel the texture of his blanket underneath them – but they were now stinging with pins and needles, and he wasn’t sure if that was better than the numbness or worse. And there was this odd pressure on the right side of his face, but he supposed that that was to be expected with burns. All of that uncomfortableness was kind of toned down by the overwhelming relief that all of his teammates had made it home alive and well, though, so he shrugged. “Don’t worry,” he replied. “All in all, I’m feeling okay.” He leaned back against the pillows behind him and closed his eye again. “By the way, what happened to the missing-nin?”

“They got away,” Sakura replied – was this why she seemed so upset? “I’m sorry.”

“They got away because Sakura prioritized healing you over killing them, Kakashi,” Tenzou added. He sounded strict. Good; he was starting to learn not to let Sakura criticize herself too much. “And breaking us out of the genjutsu. We probably would’ve all been dead without her.”

“That’s true,” Kakashi agreed. He shrugged. “It’s all right, anyway. We can catch those missing-nin later.”

A silence fell after that statement – _fell_ wasn’t quite the right word, because the silence basically smashed the calm mood into a thousand little pieces. “Actually, I don’t think we’ll be able to catch up to those missing-nin again,” Sai said quietly after a beat. “I don’t think you’ll be leaving the hospital for a while, Kakashi-sensei.”

“Sai!” Tenzou hissed, startled. “Don’t just announce bad news like that! Be more _careful_!”

Kakashi frowned and sat up. “Why?” he demanded, suddenly tense. “What’s wrong?” He opened his right eye to try and check his teammates’ expressions – merely sound was no longer good enough to oversee the situation – but his vision remained black. His Sharingan shot open on reflex, wide and unfocused in his shock. “Oh,” he murmured, raising a shaking hand to touch the right side of his face. His fingers were still numb, but he could clearly feel the rough texture of bandages underneath his fingertips. “ _Oh_.”

The door to the room slid open, revealing Tsunade. Kakashi couldn’t bring himself to greet her politely, or at all.

She turned to the rest of Team Kakashi. “The four of you need to leave, just for a few minutes. I need to discuss some things with Kakashi.”

That sounded like a terrible idea – if Kakashi was left alone to have this difficult conversation, he might freak out completely. Before he even had a chance to protest, though, Naruto shook his head.

“I’m not leaving,” he said decisively. His expression was serious when he turned to Kakashi; “If that’s okay with you, sensei.”

Kakashi nodded, thanking the _gods_ for this stubborn, _amazing_ kid. “I don’t mind you staying. All of you.”

“Fine, then.” Tsunade dragged over a chair and sat down beside the bed. Kakashi fought the urge to flinch away from her – her chakra was dense and heavy with tightly-controlled anxiety. She took a little too long to start talking, as if she wanted to give Kakashi a chance to calm down, and it had the effect that Kakashi suddenly had a very hard time staying calm.

“Just tell me,” he said, “please. What happened to my eye?”

“It’s burned,” Tsunade replied, looking him in the eye with a frown. “Irreparably so. Your right eye will probably stay permanently blind.”

Just as Kakashi feared. He clenched his jaws, determined not to give himself a chance to give in to the growing panic inside his head. “Do I have any options?”

Tsunade nodded, and Kakashi saw his teammates perk up with hope. “An eye transplant is a possibility,” she replied. “It’s usually impossible to heal a damaged eye, but there’s a high success rate on the transplant of a healthy eye.”

“I know.” Kakashi had already once experienced an eye transplant; he stubbornly held the memories of that day at arm’s length. “The problem is finding a donor.”

“Right,” Tsunade replied. “The eye from a very recently deceased person would be the most practical, but only few of our shinobi actually die _inside_ the village. And then there’s the issue of family disagreeing with the procedure.” The look on her face was serious, but in a way that put Kakashi’s mind a little more at ease than it had been before. “I will make sure that you get your right eye back, Kakashi, but I can’t promise you _when_.”

“Or,” Naruto butted in, pointing at his own eye with an excitement that was reminiscent of a madman, “you could take one of my eyes, sensei! I have two of them, anyway, and I could make shadow clones to cover the blind spot!”

“Don’t be dumb,” Sai told him. He sounded calmer but he was _undeniably_ dragged along in Naruto’s manic energy. “Kakashi-sensei with one blue eye would look awful – I wouldn’t be able to look at him anymore. He should have a replacement eye that looks more like his own. Like mine, or Yamato-taichou’s.”

“Yamato-taichou would have to consent to that, first,” Sakura corrected him. “You can’t decide for someone else that they should lose an eye, Sai.”

“Guys, _stop_! You’re not helping,” Tenzou tried, and when the kids didn’t stop shouting at each other, he helplessly turned to Kakashi for support.

“Guys,” Kakashi told his kids, calmly. Predictably enough, the three of them turned to listen to him. “It’s okay,” he continued, “honestly. I can wait. Just don’t ever offer me your body parts again, please.”

Naruto snorted. “Okay. Sorry, sensei.”

Kakashi found himself smiling. Although the _topic_ of the conversation was making him feel a little sick to his stomach, it was the _nature_ of his students’ shouting that made him feel… _warm_ , inside. Their energy, their unstoppable insistence to solve each and every problem they were faced with.

He was so glad that he’d lost his eye to save them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **kakashi:** i’m a patient person! i can wait! it probably won’t be that long before i can get my eye back anyway :)
> 
> **me, hiding my word goal of 50k behind my back:** mmhm yah definitely
> 
> In other words: Kakashi has no idea what he’s getting himself into
> 
> I’d like to get into a rhythm where I post once every two weeks, because college life is _busy_ and my wrists are _dying_ so I probably won’t have time to post every week. So I’ll post the next chapter in two weeks; Sunday 25th October. I’ll see you then!


	3. Butterfly Effect

It was supposed to be true that traumatic injuries left more prominent scars. Something to do with how a high level of stress made wounds heal more slowly. Even with the help of medical ninjutsu, which normally healed wounds as if they never even existed, a particularly awful injury could leave a scar.

Although Kakashi wasn’t one to dwell on the psychological aspects of shinobi life too much, he could definitely vouch for that theory – his evidence was splitting the left side of his face in half for all to see. Even though it was just a simple cut from a kunai, the wound had still healed into a red and rough and deep scar. Horrible trauma equaled nasty scar. Made sense.

But then, _why_ , Kakashi pondered, why was the burn on his face still looking so bad?

He was staring at himself in the mirror of the hospital bathroom, after a quick and unpleasant shower. Sakura had warned him not to use any hot water, since that might irritate his recently-burned skin and make it more painful, and Kakashi had learned that Sakura could get really scary if he didn’t listen to her advice, so he’d done what he was told. And now, not all the damn fire in the _world_ could warm him up again. The thin hospital clothes that he’d been given, didn’t really help, either. He was almost tempted to get back in the shower and turn the water temperature up as high as he wanted, but Sakura might kick him through a wall if he did that, so he resisted.

He’d also noticed – and this worried him more than the burn to his eye itself – that his body temperature was dropping, if only just slightly. He’d had his Sharingan uncovered for the last couple of hours, and even though he’d been resting the whole time, he was starting to feel the beginnings of chakra exhaustion. When a body had to spare its energy to keep functioning, body heat was the first thing to go.

Anyway. Kakashi raised his hand to rub at the edge of his burn scar – it was at least a relief that he could properly move his arms again, now. He truly didn’t fully understand _how_ the past day counted as ‘traumatic’. Sure, it was pretty stressful to take a fire ninjutsu to the chest and consequently lose an entire eye, but it was also stressful to be stabbed and _those_ wounds had never left scars. Maybe losing a body part just automatically counted as a traumatic experience? Or maybe the whole theory about scars and stuff was just complete bullcrap after all. Who knew.

Kakashi put on the medical mask that Tsunade had graciously provided him with – Kakashi was eternally grateful for her and silently wished her many happy years as Hokage – and then left the bathroom. Sakura was waiting in his hospital room. The room was empty, otherwise; it was already pretty late, so Tsunade had kicked the rest of the team out. They were allowed to come back after eleven the next day, when visiting hours started, which probably meant that they’d climb in through the window at sunrise. Kakashi wouldn’t have it any other way.

He waved at Sakura, and she got up from her chair. “Did you have a nice shower?” she asked, jokingly, but the tone sounded forced.

“It was terrible,” he told her. “At least I don’t smell anymore, though.” He’d been on the verge of going insane from the overwhelming stink of smoke and burned fabric that had clung to him. He didn’t hate the scent of hospital soap any _less_ , but at least that blended in with the awful hospital smell all around him.

He’d hoped that Sakura would smile and lose some of that _tension_ that she clearly carried around, but she just nodded seriously, as if he’d just told her the details of a mission. “Right,” she said, and held up a roll of bandages. “I should bandage up your eye again. Once your scar heals some more, you can switch to an eyepatch, but your skin is still too sensitive to leave it out in the open.”

“All right. I should probably sit down, then, right?”

“Please.”

Despite the fact that Sakura was acting _frighteningly_ like a professional medical-nin and Kakashi had developed something of an allergy to that kind of attitude, he cooperated anyway, because Sakura was obviously upset over something and Kakashi didn’t want to make her day any worse. So he silently sat down and let her bandage up his eye.

As she worked, Sakura was clearly biting the inside of her cheek – Kakashi was close enough to notice the stiffness of her jaw. He debated whether to ask her what was wrong, but she already spoke before he had a chance to.

“Hey, sensei?”

“Hm-m?”

“I’m… sorry, about all of this.”

She wasn’t crying, not quite, but tears were already gathering in the corners of her eyes. Kakashi looked up at her, as well as he could while she held his head in place. “What do you mean, Sakura?”

“It’s just…” She paused to wipe her eyes on her shoulders. “There’s _so_ much I did wrong. I let down my guard and got caught in a genjutsu, and then I didn’t escape quickly enough to help. I let the missing-nin get away. And then, worst of all, I couldn’t _heal_ you, sensei, or at least I couldn’t do _enough_ …” She sniffled and shook her head. “If I had been _better_ , then we would’ve all gotten home safe.”

It probably said enough that the thought of blaming her hadn’t even _occurred_ to Kakashi. “Sakura,” he said, still hating how he couldn’t quite look her in the eyes. “Listen to me. Even Lady Hokage couldn’t heal my eye, and she’s probably the best medical-nin alive. The fact that you weren’t able to heal me, doesn’t mean that you failed.” He smiled at her. “And, like Tenzou – Yamato – said earlier, we would’ve all been dead without you. If anything, it’s _me_ who failed, because I put that pressure on you.”

Sakura’s eyes finally snapped over to his. “Don’t say that.”

“See? You don’t like it when I talk down on myself, just like _I_ don’t like it when _you_ talk down on yourself.” He huffed a laugh. “Don’t worry too much. You’ve seen my medical record – there’s lots of stuff that I’ve survived already. I’ll bounce back somehow.”

She sniffled. “I… I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am. I’m always right.”

Sakura took a step back, her work finished. She wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded her head. “It’s late,” she said. “You should try to get some rest.”

“Probably.” Crawling into bed sounded like a _fenomenal_ idea right now. Not because Kakashi was tired, per se, but because he still felt like he was walking outside naked in the middle of the Land of Iron. Which was cold.

Sakura wished him a good night and turned off the lights, but before she could leave the room, Kakashi called for her one more time.

“Hey, Sakura?”

“Yeah?”

He smiled. “You did well, today.”

Judging by the way her restless chakra smoothed out for the first time all evening, his words had made the right impact. “Thank you, sensei,” she replied, once again sounding a little choked up. “Sleep well.”

With those words, she left, and Kakashi lay down to get some well-needed shut-eye. It had been a rather turbulent day, and he certainly hoped that tomorrow would be a little calmer.

* * *

The night after Kakashi-sensei lost his right eye, Sai couldn’t sleep.

The feeling was completely foreign to him. Normally, it was easy for him to drift off. He knew the techniques, could always get the maximum amount of rest. But tonight, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t clear his head.

He didn’t feel content with the events of today. Not because he’d failed to complete his mission – that wasn’t it. Missions sometimes didn’t go as planned, and Sai was well-trained in dealing with that.

He was also used to teammates getting injured. That was part of the life of a shinobi.

Yet, his mind kept replaying how Yamato-taichou had carried Kakashi back to Konoha on his back, the glimpses that Sai had caught of his burned face and covered eye. Mostly, how he’d wondered what if this was it, what if this was the last mission Kakashi would ever accompany his team on? And how that thought had never truly left his mind afterwards. He’d mostly kept silent in the hospital room, because he was afraid that his leader might notice his doubts. But it hadn’t felt correct to keep so much distance, and that, too, was an anxious thought in his head.

Like that, Sai lay in bed in his small apartment, staring at the ceiling because closing his eyes made little difference to his absent sleepiness. He’d done a lot to try and calm his racing thoughts; he’d gone for a short late night walk, he’d done some push-ups, went out for another walk to try and tire his body out enough that it might fall asleep by itself.

When that failed, he’d tried to put his thoughts onto paper – advice from one of his books – but words weren’t really helping because his mind worked in images. So he’d sketched out his memories of today, and then the drawings hadn’t come out right, so they’d ended up in the paper bin.

Now, it was four in the morning, and he was meeting with Yamato and Naruto and Sakura at eight for team training. He’d probably need to be up around six, because Naruto had mentioned sneaking into the hospital before visiting hours to see Kakashi, and Sai wanted to be there as well.

He sat up in bed. Sneaking into the hospital to visit Kakashi… That was a good idea!

And so, Sai got to work. It was a little early in the morning, so he didn’t want to _just_ hop in through the window uninvited – there needed to be some practical use for his visit, otherwise it would probably get awkward pretty quickly.

He knew that his sensei liked to read, so Sai decided to lend him some of his own books; _Flirting For War-Hardened Shinobi_ and _How To Find Love (In Or Outside Of A Hidden Village)_ were probably the closest to Kakashi’s preferred genre. He put the books into his bag and left his apartment.

Next, he went to pick up a new uniform for Kakashi, because there was only half left of his old uniform. The kunoichi at the desk looked at him a little weird, probably because it was four in the morning and he was requesting a uniform for someone fifteen centimeters taller than him, but Sai left regardless with a brand new jounin uniform in the right size.

His bag had gotten kind of full by then, so Sai concluded that it would probably be okay if he went to bring Kakashi this stuff. He considered briefly if he should bring food, too, but all the stores were closed this late at night and Sai only had a half-full box of cereal at home. If he brought the cereal, Kakashi would probably say he appreciated the sentiment out of politeness, but the gift would probably make very little sense at all. Plus, Sai would be out of cereal. So this was alright.

Kakashi’s hospital room was on the second floor, on the East side of the hospital, the third window on the left. Sai knew this because he’d snuck in through the _second_ window on the left earlier today with Naruto, and that lead to the hallway, so the third window would lead directly to Kakashi’s room.

Sai didn’t have much trouble climbing in through the window, but once he was inside the room, he hesitated. The realization finally sunk in that Kakashi was very much _asleep_ right now. He was injured, and he needed his rest, and it was awfully early in the morning for someone who’d most likely had just as much trouble falling asleep as Sai had had.

This might not have been such a good idea after all, Sai reflected wisely.

But he’d come here, anyway, so he might as well leave the books and the uniform here. He shrugged off his backpack quietly – or, at least, quietly enough that it wouldn’t have woken up _literally anyone else_.

Kakashi, though, started and shot upright. His Sharingan glowed, the red pure and intimidating in the nearly-black darkness. Sai absently made a note to remember this moment – these contrasting colors would make a very striking painting.

After a second or so, Kakashi blinked and huffed a sigh. “Sai,” he said. “You startled me.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“I’m sure you didn’t. It’s okay.” He paused – his glowing eye was the only part of him that was properly visible, but Sai was pretty sure that the look Kakashi was giving him, was a questioning one. “What are you doing here?”

In hindsight, maybe Sai should’ve prepared an answer to that question. Because how was he supposed to explain that he wasn’t good at providing emotional support like the rest of his teammates, so now he was trying to help Kakashi in a practical way? “Uhm,” he said, holding up his bag in a manner that had _got_ to be considered awkward. “I… picked up a new jounin uniform for you.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Sai replied automatically, and immediately hated himself for it, because what if Kakashi was being sarcastic or annoyed or-- crap, Sai _definitely_ hadn’t paid enough attention to his tone. He quickly continued: “And I brought you some books. To read. If you want to read them.”

“Ah, great,” Kakashi said. “Something to read would certainly come in handy. Lady Tsunade told me I’d probably be here for a while, and I was getting scared I’d have to be bored the whole time.” His Sharingan disappeared briefly, and Sai came to the shocking realization that his sensei was _smiling_ in response to Sai’s awful social skills. “Thank you, Sai.”

Sai nodded, bewildered. “Well,” he replied, “I just… felt like I needed to do something, to help.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I can’t explain it well, I mean. But Sakura helped heal you, and Yamato-taichou got you to the hospital. And Naruto is good with words, so he probably helped with emotional support, at least to some degree. But all the while, I was merely… _there_ , and it wouldn’t have mattered much if I _hadn’t_ been there.” He sighed, and repeated: “So I wanted to do something to help, too.”

“You felt useless,” Kakashi concluded, his tone soft. “Is that it?”

“Yes.”

Even by just the look in Kakashi’s single eye, Sai could tell that he was both very serious and very calm. “Sai, have you considered that your teammates feel the exact same way?” he asked. “Myself included.”

That didn’t seem correct. “Are you sure about that, sensei?” Sai asked, and immediately bit his tongue because he was _speaking back to a superior_ , but Kakashi only smiled again.

“It’s true,” he said. “Things are just the way they are, and we’re all equally terrible at dealing with it.”

Sai couldn’t stop a smile from growing on his face, despite the fact that he _knew_ that Kakashi couldn’t see him – he was smiling to himself. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“Well, you learn something new every day,” Kakashi replied, and he yawned. Sai was once again reminded that he’d woken his team leader up in a pretty rough manner, and he cringed involuntarily.

“I should leave,” he said. “Again, I’m sorry for waking you, Kakashi-sensei.”

“Apology accepted,” Kakashi replied. “Good night, Sai.”

“You, too.”

Sai left through the window, leaving his backpack in the hospital room because he didn’t need the thing anytime soon, anyway. And by the time he reached his apartment again, he realized that he had finally gotten sleepy.

* * *

The sunrise was beautiful. Naruto always thought so, although he was rarely awake early enough to see it, in the summer at least. But this was a summer morning, and Naruto was already outside, dressed and carrying a heavy backpack. He was on his way to the hospital, of course. He just hoped that he wouldn’t get caught sneaking into Kakashi’s room – that would make it kind of pointless that he got up this early.

Stealth missions weren’t Naruto’s strongsuit, but they were pretty easy when there was hardly anyone around to notice him. The hospital was quiet, which made sense, because patients needed to sleep. Naruto easily climbed in through the window; it helped that it had been left open. That way, he vaulted himself over the windowsill…

And found Kakashi’s room empty.

Instantly confused, Naruto looked around. This _was_ the right room, right? The blankets on the bed were crinkly; someone had obviously slept here. And there was a backpack sitting beside the nightstand that he recognized as Sai’s. This had _got_ to be Kakashi’s room. So then, why wasn’t he here?

The first thing that popped into his mind, was an old memory of when Team Seven was still a thing – when Sasuke had still been with them. Kakashi had once broken a couple of ribs on one of his solo missions, and it had been bad enough that the medical-nin couldn’t heal his ribs in one go. They’d wanted to keep Kakashi in the hospital for a night, until he could be healed completely, and Kakashi had just gotten _really_ annoyed at them. It was the same kind of angry that Sasuke would get whenever somebody asked why he never went back to the Uchiha compound; the anger of someone who was forced to do something they _hated_.

Anyway, the end of the story was that Kakashi snuck out of the hospital in the middle of the night to sleep in his own bed. And maybe that had happened again. It would certainly explain why the window was left open.

Naruto’s brain, which had still been a little bit sleepy, was instantly kicked into full awakeness. If Kakashi had indeed escaped from his hospital room, then that was _bad_. If Kakashi wasn’t back here within the next hour, then he wouldn’t be here when Sakura and Tsunade got here, which meant that they were going to kick Kakashi’s ass! And they’d probably kick Naruto’s ass as well, and Sai’s, since there was proof that they’d both been here, but Naruto was more worried about Kakashi’s ass, since it had been kicked rather often in the last twenty-four hours. Naruto had to find Kakashi and bring him back, and _quickly_.

Naruto moved to hop back out through the window, and that was _thankfully_ the moment that the bathroom door slid open and revealed none other than Naruto’s missing sensei, drying his hair with a towel.

“Good morning, sensei.” Naruto could probably collapse with relief – everyone’s asses were saved. “You’re up early.”

Kakashi didn’t seem at all surprised that Naruto was there. “I was awake,” he replied, sitting down on the edge of his bed, “and I was cold, so I thought I’d take a warm shower.”

Okay, that was kind of weird, because it was the middle of summer, and even though it was still morning, it was already pretty warm. Naruto had even left his jacket off in favor of a T-shirt, yet Kakashi had just gotten out of a hot shower and had decided to put on the sweater of his jounin uniform.

When Naruto stayed silent, Kakashi turned towards him and raised an eyebrow at him – or, rather, he raised what was left of his left eyebrow. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

“Oh – no, nothing’s wrong. Just thinking about something.” He moved to lean against the windowsill, his face scrunching up in thought. “Say, sensei.”

“Hm?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but that left eye of yours uses up a lot of chakra, doesn’t it?”

Kakashi’s hands stilled where they were squeezing some water from his hair. “It does.”

“So…” Naruto thoughtfully scratched at his chin. “So is it alright if you use it this much? I mean, you’ve been using your Sharingan the whole time – even right now, so that you can see me. That’s got to be pretty tiring, right?”

It had taken him a moment to grasp onto the thought again, but Sakura had once explained the symptoms of chakra exhaustion to him. One of the earliest symptoms was feeling cold; that was when you still had enough chakra to function and fight and run, but it was probably dangerous to use ninjutsu anymore.

Naruto had been confused when Sakura had told him that – on the rare occasions that he himself used too much chakra, he always went straight to feeling dizzy and lightheaded, and he’d assumed that that was the same for other people. Then again, when he was training hard or in the middle of a fight, he wasn’t paying attention to his body temperature, anyway.

But Kakashi was clearly feeling cold when it was thirty-ish degrees outside, and Naruto suddenly really wanted him to close his Sharingan and _stop burning through his chakra_. The memories of his sensei fainting directly after a fight, were often scarier than the fights themselves, and he just really wanted to keep that from happening again.

Instead of matching Naruto’s growing anxiety, Kakashi just shrugged. “It’s really not that bad,” he said. “I’m resting a lot, you know. And with some luck, I’ll have my right eye replaced somewhere in the next few days, and I won’t have to worry about chakra exhaustion at all. You truly don’t need to worry, Naruto.”

Over the past few years, Naruto had gotten pretty good at figuring out whether his sensei was lying. He’d expected this to be a lie as well, but either Kakashi had gotten really good at lying overnight, or he truly believed that he was okay. And since Kakashi was absolutely _terrible_ at coming up with excuses and had showed no improvement in that area over the two-and-a-half years Naruto had known him, Naruto found himself calming down a little.

“Okay, then, sensei,” he said. “If you say so. But still, please just close your Sharingan for now – I don’t want you using up your energy on my behalf.”

Kakashi gave him an exasperated look, but closed his eyes regardless. “Fine,” he replied. “Are you planning on staying for long, then? I’m not really using up lots of chakra if you’re in here for five minutes, you know.”

Naruto snickered and shrugged off his backpack. “Did you think I’d wake up at five just to say hi?” he asked, zipping his backpack open. The delicious smell of takeout ramen hit him in the face. “I brought breakfast! So let’s eat!”

Kakashi’s medical mask had loops around his ears, so he just unhooked one of the sides and ate like that, his face still hidden from Naruto. He was surprisingly good at eating with chopsticks with his eyes closed, until Naruto noticed that he’d been looking through his eyelashes the whole time. The subsequent yelling on Naruto’s part drew a couple of medical-nin to the room, and Naruto was swiftly kicked out. Still, he considered this a good morning.

Next time he brought Kakashi breakfast, he vowed to bring a spoon instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some wholesome worried Team Kakashi for this chapter~ Also, I frickin' love writing from Naruto's and Sai's perspective. Sai is awesomely awkward and Naruto has such goofy inner monologue. That is the tea for today, folks
> 
> The next chapter will be posted on the 8th of November. Thanks for reading, stay safe, and have a happy Halloween in the meantime!


	4. Honesty Is The Best Policy

Kakashi was feeling _awful_.

That was the unfortunate truth, despite how effectively he’d kept up appearances in front of his teammates. He’d even briefly managed to convince himself that all of this was fine, but now he was wrapped in his blanket in three layers of clothing on a warm day and _still shivering_. His entire body ached with exhaustion, his muscles only barely strong enough to hold up the book that he was struggling to focus on, and he was finally forced to admit that all of this was, in fact, not fine at all.

Gods, he wished that his team were here to cheer him up.

That was a selfish thought, though; his kids would be training with Tenzou all day, and Kakashi didn’t want his weakness to hold them back. They’d probably need to take on missions again before he’d recovered, too, and he would just have to deal with it then.

The result of Kakashi’s noble selflessness was that he was bored out of his _mind_. He’d tried to get some sleep earlier today, because he’d only slept for three or four hours during the night, but as much as his body wanted to rest, his mind remained restless. It didn’t help that hospitals always brought back the worst of his memories – after almost every horrible experience in his life, he’d been forced into a hospital room, so the white walls and the antiseptic smells didn’t remind him of very good times.

He’d given up on trying to nap when Gai stormed into his room around noon. Obviously, Kakashi was glad to see his friend, but he’d hardly processed a word of what he’d said and the sudden visit had left him with an awful headache. Thankfully, Gai could be pretty observant when it counted, and after he’d cried actual tears of joy over the fact that Kakashi was still alive, he’d left him alone fairly quickly.

After another failed attempt at a nap, Kakashi had picked up one of the books Sai had lent him. He was aware of the fact that he was only using up _more_ chakra by using his Sharingan to read, but he could not stand to mull over his thoughts in the dark any longer. And that was how he’d ended up – staring at a page for five minutes straight and not reading anything, and then giving up and moving on to the next page, and repeat.

He was out of it badly enough that he didn’t even startle when the door to his room opened unexpectedly, revealing none other than his Hokage. It took him a few seconds to remember that she’d told him she’d come by to run a test in the afternoon – he’d completely forgotten.

“Good afternoon, Lady Hokage,” he said, closing his book and putting it on his nightstand. The simple action cost him more energy than he liked, and his voice came out more quietly than he’d wanted it to. He sat up a little straighter in an attempt to look less weak, fighting off a wince when his muscles protested.

“Afternoon, Kakashi.” Tsunade looked him over; Kakashi made a conscious effort to keep his trembling hands still. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” he replied, because that was how he felt. “I didn’t sleep well.”

“Anything else?”

Kakashi couldn’t really put into words all the ways he felt horrible. Thinking about it would cost far too much effort. “Not really.”

Tsunade nodded and wrote something down on the clipboard that she carried. Without even looking up, she replied calmly: “You’re lying, Kakashi. Try again.”

Kakashi stiffened at the realization of what he’d just _done_. His automatic reaction of saying that he was fine, was a _lie_ spoken directly to his _Hokage’s face_.

When he didn’t immediately reply, Tsunade frowned and strode over to him, three powerful steps. Kakashi fought off the urge to flinch when she raised a hand, his subconscious expecting violence, but instead of that, Tsunade merely carefully pressed the back of her hand against his forehead.

“You’re cold,” she said, pulling away again. “Chakra exhaustion. Why didn’t you say so?”

He bowed his head, cursing himself. “I apologize, Lady Hokage.”

Tsunade crossed her arms. “Listen, Kakashi,” she said. “If I were a different kind of Hokage, then I might’ve kicked you out of the village for treason. Because you just lied directly to my face.”

“I know.”

“Thankfully for you, I’m not a dictator or a tyrant,” she continued, “and I also know that you’re a trustworthy shinobi, so I won’t banish you for lying to me.” Her gaze was serious. “Just… don’t lie to me about your health again, understood? It’s really stupid.”

“I understand.”

“Good.” Tsunade sighed. “Anyway. I came here to test your eyesight again, so that’s what I’ll do.” She gestured; “Take the bandages off of your face, okay?”

Kakashi already knew that his right eye was completely useless, and the medical flashlight that Tsunade shone at his eye changed nothing about that. He hadn’t expected any different results, and judging by how calm Tsunade’s chakra stayed, neither had she.

“Well, that’s it, then,” she said, clicking the flashlight off and putting it back into her pocket. “I can officially declare your right eye blind, Kakashi.”

“I expected so.” It somehow hurt to hear those words, though. “You don’t happen to have found an eye donor yet, have you?”

Asking was futile; Tsunade would have told him already. And sure enough, she shook her head. “No, we haven’t.”

He kind of hated himself for feeling disappointed. It was a _good_ thing that none of Kakashi’s fellow shinobi had died in the past twenty-four hours – only a horribly selfish person would wish otherwise.

“Like I said: when we can replace that eye of yours, I’ll let you know immediately.” Tsunade hovered into Kakashi’s field of vision; he realized belatedly that he was looking down. “Until that time, though,” she continued, her voice a little more careful, “you really need to use your Sharingan less. Even though you’re resting, you’re burning through your chakra more quickly than you can replenish it. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up exhausting yourself so badly you won’t be able to move, again.”

Kakashi nodded. He knew that he should preserve his chakra – it would suck if he got himself stuck in the hospital for even longer because he hadn’t taken the time to rest. Regardless of that, he couldn’t hold back the weariness in his voice. “Yeah. I know.”

A frown played around Tsunade’s eyebrows. She was silent for a moment, her nails ticking against the clipboard that she held to her chest.

“You know what,” she said after that moment, a smirk forming on her face. “If you rest up, then I’ll let you go home.”

It cost Kakashi’s sluggish mind a second to catch up. When he finally processed that he was _allowed to go home if he rested up_ , his mouth fell open in disbelief. “Sorry, what?”

“You heard me,” Tsunade replied. “I mean it. Once you get your chakra back up to an acceptable level, I’ll let you leave.” She smiled, and added: “Provided that we still haven’t found an eye donor by that time, of course.”

“I…” Kakashi bent his head. “Thank you, Lady Hokage.”

Tsunade shrugged. “I’ve had you in my hospital long enough to know that you hate it here,” she replied. “You’ll just be a nuisance if I force you to stay much longer. I’m just trying to prevent any escape attempts, this time.” She turned away towards the door, adding “you brat” to quietly to hear, but the Sharingan could read lips, so Kakashi caught the words anyway. Maybe that was exactly what Tsunade wanted. Her chakra signature gave no signs of hostility at all.

She opened the door to the hallway. “You should be fine in a day or two, maybe three,” she said. “I’d start resting your Sharingan right now, if I were you. Maybe try to take a nap. I’ll warn you if there’s news.”

With those words, she left, leaving Kakashi alone. He closed his eyes with a small smile on his lips. His thoughts were always dark and difficult whenever he was stuck in a hospital bed, but they were now interrupted by the brighter prospect of going _home_. If he suffered a little bit now, he might be back in his own apartment in a few days.

Suddenly, this darkness sucked a little less.

* * *

For as far as Tenzou could judge, Kakashi was dealing well with everything. He was eating and sleeping, at least to Tenzou’s knowledge. He was even cooperating with the medical-nin, and he generally seemed to be social instead of isolating himself. At some point during today’s training, Tenzou had overheard his students talking about how they’d each been really worried, but that Kakashi had apparently comforted them.

So it appeared that Kakashi was dealing well with the fact that he had lost an entire eye, and with the fact that he was slowly but surely burning through his chakra just to be able to _see_. Those were two horrible, awful things to have to deal with, yet Kakashi seemed to be okay. And that worried Tenzou.

Tenzou had known Kakashi for fifteen years – over half of his life. The guy had ended up in the hospital, albeit usually only for a day or so, at least once each of those years. Kakashi’s recklessness and/or bad luck had given Tenzou lots of experience with how his senior acted when he was sick or hurt.

 _This_ , though, was new. He’d _never_ seen Kakashi comfort somebody else when he was the one lying in a damn hospital bed, or even talk much at all without some sort of caution in his voice, some sort of defensiveness, as if he was a wounded wild animal that would be eaten alive if he showed any kind of weakness. Instead, he seemed calm. Sort of hopeful, even. And Tenzou wasn’t enough of an optimist to see that as a good thing.

When his students decided to visit Kakashi after training, Tenzou tagged along. Anxiety tugged at his guts the whole walk to the hospital, and even more so when the group entered the building. They hadn’t seen Kakashi all day; who knew what kind of day he’d had, or when his optimistic façade might crack. Tenzou found it hard to judge whether Kakashi’s kids had ever seen his true reaction to being hurt – like Tenzou had seen it multiple times over the years. It might completely change the way Kakashi’s students saw him.

Tenzou led the way to Kakashi’s hospital room, as if that would somehow help. He knocked on the door, half not expecting an answer, considering how often Kakashi had snuck out of the hospital before.

“Come in,” called Kakashi from the other side of the door, putting Tenzou’s nerves at ease a little.

He walked into the room. Kakashi gave a small wave in the general direction of the door. The room was almost dark, since the sun had already set. The glow of Kakashi’s Sharingan was nowhere to be seen. Tenzou had a bad feeling about this.

He flicked the lights on as the kids spilled into the room beside him. “Hi, sensei!” Naruto shouted, soon skidding to a halt as he realized that something wasn’t right. “Hey, why are you keeping your eyes closed?”

“Did something happen?” Tenzou added.

Kakashi shrugged. “My Sharingan’s using up too much chakra,” he replied. “That’s all, really.”

“Makes sense,” Sakura replied, softly. “That sucks.”

“Yeah, that’s got to be annoying, not seeing anything,” Naruto agreed. “Do you know how long you need to rest for, Kakashi-sensei?”

Unexpectedly, Kakashi’s cheek tipped up into a smile. “Just a few days,” he said, “that’s what Lady Hokage said, at least. And once I’m rested up, she told me I could go home.”

That was good. That was amazing news. Tenzou breathed out a relieved sigh as the kids started shouting happily. “That’s great for you, Kakashi.”

“Yeah,” Kakashi replied, sending a genuine smile Tenzou’s way. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi’s not having a very great time right now… But don’t worry: next chapter, things will be better!
> 
> As usual, the next chapter will be posted on Sunday in two weeks – that’s November 22nd. I’ll see you then!


	5. Pancakes

By the time Kakashi left the hospital, the seared part of his left eyebrow had started to grow back a little. His eyebrow still looked stupid, but it’d probably be back to its normal, sliced-in-half self in a few weeks. Tragically enough, his right eyebrow would never return, even if the scarring around that eye had been reduced a lot with the help of Sakura’s medical ninjutsu. Now, the skin on the right half of his face apparently looked a little pinkish, as if he was blushing all the time. Kakashi wasn’t sure if he _liked_ that look, but at least he appreciated that the scar was no longer _painful_ – his skin had been irritated awfully for the first few days, because his mask kept rubbing against it.

The weather was chilly, or maybe it just felt that way because Kakashi had been feeling cold non-stop for the past few days. The medical mask left his neck uncomfortably bare, and the right side of his face was cold now that it was only covered by an eyepatch instead of a thick layer of bandage. With how his Sharingan dyed his entire vision red, he wasn’t sure if the sky was blue or gray right now.

Thankfully, the way home wasn’t long. Home – he was going _home_. It seemed weird, especially since Kakashi still only owned a single working eye.

Tsunade had wanted to keep him in the hospital until a suitable donor would present themselves, because apparently an eye transplant needed to happen pretty quickly after someone died. She also would’ve wanted Kakashi to rest a little longer, but he probably would’ve lost his mind if he stayed in that tiny room much longer. His teammates and Tsunade had thankfully picked up on his slipping mental state, so Tsunade had given him permission to leave early.

Unfortunately, that permission came with its own set of rules. He still had to spend most of his time resting. Which also meant that he couldn’t use his Sharingan. It sucked, but Kakashi wasn’t brave enough to disobey Tsunade’s orders – not necessarily because she was the Hokage, but because she could kick his ass ten times over and not even break a sweat.

So that was it, then. He was allowed to use his Sharingan to find his way home, because his students and Tenzou were on a mission and he had to walk home all by himself. After that, he was going to have to be functionally blind until his chakra was at a high enough level again to use his Sharingan safely. Kakashi found himself kind of tip-toeing around that word – _blind_. It just didn’t seem right; he wasn’t _allowed_ to use his working eye. He was under _orders_. Like how Minato-sensei once had him spar with a blindfold on.

Yeah. If Kakashi saw this as some sort of training exercise, then maybe the next couple of days would be a little less horrible.

His apartment was on the third floor, and Kakashi felt a little pathetic for how badly he’d gotten out of breath after climbing those stairs. He truly _was_ exhausted. Quickly, he entered his apartment, kicked off his sandals on the way to his bedroom, did not even bother to lock the door again and crashed straight into bed.

He would have plenty of time to worry about stuff later. Right now, he really just wanted to take a nap.

It felt like he’d only closed his eyes for all of fifteen seconds when his peaceful slumber was brutally interrupted by knocking on his front door. “Kakashi-sensei!” came Naruto’s voice, loud as always. “Can we come in?”

Kakashi rolled over in bed, seriously debating if he should just pretend he didn’t hear him. Maybe they’d leave if he just acted like he was still asleep. Wait, actually, they’d probably try to come in through the window. Crap.

“Front door’s open,” he called groggily, sitting up and pulling his mask and eyepatch back into place. He made no attempts to fix his hair, which probably looked like an actual bird’s nest right about now – he did not intent to keep it a secret that his students had just walked in on him trying to _sleep_. Let them feel guilty about that, just a little.

“Sensei!” Naruto sing-songed. “We’re back from our mission!”

“I’ve noticed,” Kakashi sang back, in a lower and more clearly annoyed tone.

He heard his students wander into the apartment, and could only barely resist the urge to open his Sharingan and go see what they were doing – he wouldn’t be a very good shinobi if he disobeyed orders that he’d received only an hour or so ago, but he didn’t fully trust his kids to keep the place whole.

A knock on the open bedroom door sounded. “Good evening, sensei,” Sakura’s voice came from that direction. “We wanted to see if you made it home okay.”

 _Evening?_ Kakashi had left the hospital a little after noon. So he’d slept for five hours, or longer. Huh. “I didn’t run into any problems,” he replied. “Fell asleep as soon as I got here. All in all, it was a pretty good day.” He stifled a yawn. “How was your mission?”

“It was easy,” Sakura replied. “Yamato-taichou went to go report – he told Naruto, Sai and me to go check on you.” She laughed. “I think he was a little worried.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Tenzou was definitely the careful type when it came to injured teammates, Kakashi had noticed. He always took everything so seriously. “Your captain reminds me of a mother hen, sometimes.”

Sakura snorted, but before she could reply, Naruto’s voice sounded from further into the apartment. “Kakashi-sensei!” he called. “By the way – have you eaten yet?”

Well, he’d had lunch, but he supposed that that didn’t count when it was time for dinner already. “No, I haven’t.”

“Good!” Naruto shouted back, and did not elaborate.

Sakura sighed, a sound somewhere in between exasperation and fondness which Kakashi, too, had uttered so often when Naruto was the subject of conversation. “He’s insisting on making food for you, to celebrate you getting home from the hospital,” she said. “He spent the whole way home trying to think of what to cook.”

“Hey, Sakura!” Naruto yelled. “That was supposed to be a surprise!”

Kakashi ignored him. “What’s he planning to make?” he asked, unable to keep the urgency from his voice – his students in combination with a kitchen was _always_ reason for concern.

“Pancakes,” Sakura replied quickly. “Just pancakes. I somehow managed to convince him not to try something too difficult.”

Kakashi paused. Okay – okay, he could deal with that. Like Sakura said, pancakes weren’t very hard to make, which meant that the chance of his kitchen burning down was relatively low. And if the food turned out inedible, then his kids wouldn’t have wasted a whole lot of money on ingredients. He shrugged. “All right, then. Do your best, and try not to trip the smoke alarm, okay? I don’t think my neighbors would appreciate that very much.”

“Understood, sensei,” Sakura replied, a smile clearly audible in her voice.

“Hell yeah!” Naruto shouted from the kitchen.

Some shuffling sounded from the doorway, as if Sakura had turned around. “I’ll go supervise the boys, to make sure they don’t make too much of a mess,” she said. “We’ll all be in the kitchen.”

“And I’ll be right here,” Kakashi replied, because he was _not_ getting out of bed unless absolutely necessary.

With a hummed reply, Sakura left, leaving Kakashi alone. He stretched his arms above his head, pondering if it would be possible to go back to sleep. Probably not. His students were noisy, and he’d prefer to be fully awake in case he needed to put out a fire. Maybe he could read a little while he waited – he’d so missed his own _Icha Icha_ books. Oh, wait, scratch that. He couldn’t read with his eyes closed.

That realization instantly made him feel incredibly bored, but there was nothing for him to _do_ , so he eventually just lay back down and settled for listening to his kids’ chatter in the kitchen. The kitchen was right across the hallway from the bedroom, so Kakashi could hear them loud and clear. There was a lot of clattering from cooking utensils, as if someone was digging through his drawers. After a while, Naruto grumbled loudly: “Doesn’t sensei own a damn _whisk_?”

Although he hadn’t used it in some time, Kakashi _did_ , in fact, own a whisk. He considered alerting Naruto to that fact, but he decided not to. The thing had probably gotten all gross from lying in the back of a kitchen cabinet for years, and he wasn’t sure if his students were patient enough to _wash_ it before using it.

“Just use a spoon,” Sakura suggested. “It’s fine; we can make do.” She cleared her throat. “Right, so, the recipe says to mix the dry ingredients and the wet ingredients in separate bowls, and then put them together afterwards. Naruto, you should handle the dry ingredients – Sai, you’re on egg duty.”

“Man!” Naruto protested. “Why does Sai get to crack eggs, and I have to do the boring stuff?”

“Because Sakura doesn’t trust you with things that are delicate and messy,” Sai said, smugly. “If you want, we could swap tasks, but I can’t imagine that that would go very well.”

Naruto grumbled something, but apparently surrendered, because no more arguing followed. After half a minute or so, Naruto spoke again.

“I still feel like this is too easy,” he said. “It’s _boring_ to just put stuff in a bowl and stir it. It needs some kind of challenge.”

“Oh, no,” Sakura groaned, and Kakashi could very much identify with that reaction.

“I mean it!” Naruto continued. “You know, I’ve been thinking. It’s actually super unfair that Kakashi-sensei has to go about his day blind, right now. Maybe I should do that, too, just to show some solidarity.”

Almost immediately, a very loud crash sounded, followed by Naruto muttering “ow”. “That didn’t go as well as I expected,” he mumbled.

“What happened?” Kakashi called, because he was already having visions of his kitchen covered in flour.

“Naruto walked face-first into a wall,” Sakura replied with a long-suffering sigh. “He was being stupid. Nothing is broken, though.”

“Except my nose,” Naruto whined.

“It’s not broken,” Sakura told him. “Now, please get back to work, because if we stand here much longer, these pancakes will be _breakfast_ instead of dinner.”

Wonderful silence returned, interrupted only by the soft tapping of utensils against the side of a bowl as the kids mixed the ingredients. After a few minutes, though, the clicking of Kakashi’s furnace sounded, which was an anxiety-inducing sound if Kakashi had ever heard one. How strange, he pondered, that he trusted his students with his life, but not with his kitchen.

He couldn’t bear the thought of lying in bed while his kids potentially started a fire, so he wrapped himself in his blanket – which looked childish and stupid, but he was still too cold to leave without it – and made his way into the kitchen. Just to stay out of his students’ way, he leaned against the doorway and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“Is everything going okay?” he asked.

“Actually, yeah!” Naruto replied, and he sounded sincere for as far as Kakashi could tell. “We’re already making our first pancake, and it’s going really well!”

“Sakura? Is he speaking the truth?” Kakashi asked, earning Naruto’s protests.

She hummed. “I guess so. The pancake’s a little lumpy and misshapen, but it looks edible so far.”

There was no smell of smoke hanging in the kitchen, either – actually, and this surprised Kakashi, his kitchen actually smelled like _food_. “All right, then. Carry on.”

The doorway was actually a pretty nice place to stand, so that’s where Kakashi stayed, silently enjoying the company. In the twenty or so minutes that it took to make the pancakes, no incident occurred, except for the one time Naruto got over-excited and flipped a pancake against the ceiling. Naruto apologized and Sakura assured Kakashi that his ceiling hadn’t suffered under the abuse, so he could find it in his heart to forgive them.

The kitchen table wasn’t big enough for all of them to sit at, so the four of them sat down on the living room couch. Or – well, Kakashi, Sakura and Sai sat down on the couch, and Naruto was banished to the floor for throwing food against the ceiling and causing a ruckus. Serious crimes deserved serious punishments.

Kakashi smiled at his students; he could feel their weight on the couch cushions, so he knew exactly where they were despite being unable to see them. “Thanks for the food, guys.”

“Thank us _after_ you’ve eaten,” Sakura said, sounding nervous.

Kakashi laughed. “Yeah, maybe that’s a better idea.” He proceeded to unceremoniously hack his pancake into pieces with a fork and then pausing at the _very last second_. “Wait,” he said. “Just one second. Please promise me that none of you will look at me – you know I’m sensitive about my face.”

Naruto’s sigh was annoyed, but his tone was gentle. “Of course we won’t look, sensei.”

“Okay. _Bon appetit_ , then, the three of you.” Somehow managing to trust his kids completely for the first time that day, Kakashi pulled down his mask and took his first bite of pancake.

The pancake was lumpy and misshapen, and just _slightly_ burned around the edges, but it tasted delicious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was probably my favorite one to write so far. I’ve got some scenes planned that will (hopefully) be even more fun to write, but this one’s my favorite so far. I really like writing lighthearted scenes, _especially_ in angsty fics.
> 
> This was also one of the very first scenes I came up with for this fic. I like to write my stories in a very structured manner, so I usually map out the major plot points before I begin. But with this fic, I thought about the concept of blinding Kakashi’s right eye, and then my mind immediately went _okay, but then the kids need to make him food_. And I know that pancakes are one of the easiest foods to eat when you’re unable to see (I once worked a high school internship at a home for visually impaired elderly people, and they often had pancakes for lunch), and pancakes are also easy to make. And that’s how this chapter happened.
> 
> Oh, and regarding this fic: it’s heavily implied in canon that Kakashi’s apartment consists of only his bedroom – it’s probably obvious already, but I’m ignoring that fact. Fuck his shitty tiny home. The shuriken-patterned blanket sparks joy though, so that one is allowed to stay
> 
> I hope this chapter was as fun to read as it was for me to write! The next chapter will be posted on December 6th. I’ll see you then!


	6. Quiet Evening

The life of Team Kakashi’s leader was a busy life, Tenzou had discovered. Today it was, anyway. They’d been out on a mission for most of the day, and after that, Tenzou had sent the kids to go check on Kakashi and had gone to report the results of their mission to the Hokage.

The mission had been a simple B-rank, which the team had completed without a hitch, so Tenzou had expected to be out of the office again in five minutes or so. He wanted to go check on Kakashi as soon as he was done.

Before he could leave, though, he needed to fill in some extra paperwork, since Tenzou wasn’t officially Team Kakashi’s leader. And after that, Tsunade wanted to know how Sakura had done on this mission – she was her student, too, after all.

In the end, his students were waiting for him outside of the Hokage’s office. They reported that Kakashi had made it home alive and well, and that they’d made him pancakes. They also demanded that Tenzou would help them get in some extra hours of training, right now, mostly because Naruto was very over-energetic and needed to let off some steam.

So by the time the kids went home and Tenzou had a chance to visit Kakashi, the sun had already set.

Tenzou made his way over to Kakashi’s apartment, debating whether to check up on him at all, today. It was late, after all, and Kakashi was probably asleep. And it wasn’t that Tenzou didn’t trust the kids’ judgment – it was just that he wanted to see for himself that Kakashi was okay.

Tenzou silently entered the apartment through the open bedroom window, and found himself pausing on the windowsill. Any worry that he might’ve still had, instantly disappeared.

Kakashi was sprawled out across his bed, buried underneath at least three blankets. He was wearing his own mask instead of a medical mask again, and he looked less pale than before, even in the scarce moonlight that fell in through the window. If Tenzou ignored the eyepatch that was on the wrong eye, Kakashi looked normal. No, actually, _normal_ wasn’t the right word. Kakashi always had something tense about him, something restless underneath his relaxed façade. Now, though, he looked comfortable. Peaceful.

He was clearly out of shape, Tenzou pondered with a smile – normally, Kakashi would’ve sensed an intruder before they could even come in. That was okay, though. It meant that he finally felt comfortable enough to let his guard down and _rest_.

Tenzou’s presence hadn’t woken Kakashi up, so he decided to quietly leave again. There was no need to disturb him.

“Tenzou? Is that you?”

Well, never mind.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Tenzou replied, laughing sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I came to check up on you.”

Kakashi sat up and stretched his neck. “What time… What time is it?” he asked, stifling a yawn in the middle of his sentence.

“Uhm. Around eleven, I think. It’s still evening.”

Kakashi rubbed his arms – he was only wearing an undershirt. Good. If he’d been lying underneath all those blankets in a sweater, then Tenzou might’ve started getting worried. “So it’s the middle of the night,” Kakashi murmured. “I guess that explains why it’s cold.”

He was right; it _was_ a little chilly in the room. “Maybe you should close the window when you go to sleep, then,” Tenzou suggested.

“I wasn’t aware that it was open,” Kakashi said with a frown. “Maybe the kids opened it to get rid of the burnt pancake smell.”

“Oh.” Tenzou closed the window behind him, but that didn’t really help the chill in the room. Kakashi tried to hide a shiver, didn’t quite succeed. “Uhm,” Tenzou continued, gesturing towards Kakashi a little awkwardly, “I could make you tea, if you want. That should warm you up.”

Kakashi sighed, but then he nodded. “Yeah. That… does sound pretty nice, actually.”

Tenzou had been in Kakashi’s apartment often enough to know his way around his kitchen, more or less. Soon enough, he’d put the kettle on and taken two mugs from a cabinet. It surprised him that the kitchen was cleaner than the last time he’d been there, and that there were no dirty dishes in the sink. That must’ve been the kids’ work.

“Hey, Kakashi?” Tenzou called.

“Yeah?”

“Where do you keep your tea?”

Kakashi appeared in the doorway, pulling the sweater of his uniform over his head. Tenzou hadn’t noticed before, but he was wearing pajama pants, simple gray ones. It caught Tenzou off guard; he didn’t think he’d ever seen Kakashi in pajamas before. Like most ANBU and ex-ANBU, Kakashi always slept in uniform.

“Bottom left drawer,” Kakashi replied, gesturing vaguely. “Next to the coffee.”

It didn’t come as a surprise that Kakashi owned twice, maybe thrice as much coffee as tea. He didn’t own any sugar. Tenzou fished out a small box of chamomile teabags from next to a large pot of instant coffee. “Found it.”

“Good.” Kakashi carefully walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. He kept his Sharingan closed. So he was still following the Hokage’s orders, then. Sakura had reported as much.

Tenzou smiled to himself at the memory of the kids’ report of Kakashi’s status. They’d all been talking over one another, each of them clearly very excited that their sensei was doing okay.

“I hope Naruto, Sakura and Sai weren’t too much of a nuisance,” Tenzou said as he put the teabags into the mugs and poured the water over them. “I mean, they told me that they’d been here and that you were doing well, but other than that, their report was a little difficult to follow.”

Kakashi smiled. “They were fine, really,” he replied. “A little over-energetic, but that’s just the way they are.” He huffed a laugh and shook his head. “I did have to kick them out, eventually, but other than that, it was okay.”

“Why? What did they do?”

Kakashi’s tone was exasperated enough to almost sound like a whine. “I mentioned that I was cold, and they insisted on hugging me until I was warm again. So I told them to leave.”

Tenzou hummed an understanding reply, mostly to hide the fact that he could only _barely_ keep himself from laughing. ANBU were taught to keep everyone at arm’s length, both physically and emotionally. Naturally, that kind of attitude clashed with people like Naruto, who usually forgot about personal space until someone reminded him. Sai and Sakura were different, but at their core, they were still kids as well. Tenzou had a hard time keeping it together at the mental image of these three kids trying to cuddle a very uncomfortable Kakashi.

Kakashi sighed. “All in all, it could be worse,” he said. “They behaved, more or less.”

“Good.” Tenzou pulled the teabags from the mugs and carried the mugs over to the kitchen table. “Tea’s ready – I put your mug right in front of you. Be careful, it’s hot.”

“Thanks,” Kakashi murmured, taking the mug with both hands to warm his hands on it.

Tenzou sat down, watched the steam rise from his own mug. “You know,” he said, “I somehow feel like the kids are going easy on us.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like they’re more cooperative than normal,” Tenzou clarified. “And it seems like they want to help out. I mean, you didn’t ask them to do the dishes, did you?”

“They did that?”

“Yeah. They did.” Tenzou raised his mug and blew on his tea – still too hot to drink. “And they’ve been behaving relatively well during training, too. They never used to listen to me, but lately, they’ve been following my orders with little complaining.”

Kakashi shrugged, but the movement seemed tense. “I’m guessing they just don’t want to make stuff more difficult than it already is,” he replied. “For you as their new team leader, and for me as… well, _me_.”

“I’m not their new team leader,” Tenzou corrected him gently, recognizing what Kakashi meant. “I’m only leading them temporarily. Otherwise, we’d have to rename the team ‘Team Yamato’, and that’d be too much paperwork.” He smiled; “I’d never want to replace you, Kakashi. I won’t need to, either. By their next mission, you’ll probably be able to come along again.”

Kakashi tipped his head just slightly downwards, a frown on his face. “Yeah. I hope so.” Clearly declaring this conversation finished, he moved to grab his mug and drink some tea. In his barely-hidden upsetness, his movements were hasty and uncareful. Too hasty for someone who couldn’t see.

As Tenzou watched, Kakashi knocked over his mug and spilled hot tea over his hands.

He gasped; his Sharingan shot open, immediately squeezing shut again. “Agh,” he choked out through clenched jaws. “Damn it.”

Hissing through his teeth, he hurried over to the sink to run water over his hands. “Are you okay?” Tenzou asked, hastily getting up. “Do you have a first aid kit somewhere around here?”

“I’ll be fine,” Kakashi replied quickly, although his voice was still strained with pain. He gestured with his chin; “There’s a first aid kit next to the front door. You should… probably go and get that.”

Tenzou nodded and left the kitchen. Like Kakashi said, there was a first aid kit lying on the ground next to the front door. Tenzou didn’t want to imagine the amount of times Kakashi had returned home from a mission, too tired to take another step, forced to sit in the hallway to patch up his wounds.

Tenzou returned with the first aid kit, set the box down on the kitchen table, and fished out a small bottle of ointment. “Let me see your hands,” he called towards Kakashi. “How bad is it?”

Kakashi turned off the faucet, shook his hands dry and laid his hands on the table for Tenzou to see. The burns were only minor, thankfully, especially compared to the burns that Kakashi had suffered earlier that week. Tenzou moved to apply some of the healing ointment to Kakashi’s hands, only for him to pull away.

“I can do it myself,” he said, and for a moment, Tenzou recognized the Kakashi who would snap at medical-nin and anyone who would come too close. The injured wild animal. “It’s not that bad. Give me the bottle.”

“All right.” Tenzou handed him the bottle of ointment. Kakashi took it and stepped back to lean against the kitchen counter, staying in the kitchen but standing as far away from Tenzou as possible. The small part of his face that wasn’t covered, was hidden from view by Kakashi’s hair.

Tenzou watched closely, worriedly, how Kakashi roughly smeared the ointment onto his own hands. He was trembling, his movements clumsy and his fingers twitching, and Tenzou strongly suspected that it wasn’t from the pain alone.

Kakashi’s Sharingan snapped up to meet Tenzou’s eyes, his gaze sharp. “What is it, Tenzou?”

“Nothing,” Tenzou replied quickly. He was smart enough not to speak out the idea of going to the hospital; it may be easier to heal Kakashi’s hands with medical ninjutsu, but Tenzou could imagine that he wasn’t very keen on going back there. Kakashi just frowned in response before looking back to what he was doing.

Tenzou studied Kakashi, his concern growing in the silence. Why was he being so distant, so defensive? It was like he didn’t want Tenzou to even look at him. Tenzou had seen that attitude from Kakashi quite often when he was hurt, but he wasn’t sure what could’ve caused him to close himself off _right now_. Maybe he was embarrassed? But he’d just burned himself by accident; there was nothing to be embarrassed about…

Oh. Wait.

Tenzou’s eyebrows pinched together involuntarily, despite his effort to keep the pity from his expression. “It’s the burns,” he said softly, “isn’t it?”

Judging by how Kakashi’s hands stilled, he was right. “What?”

“When you burned yourself just now,” Tenzou clarified, “I’m guessing you were reminded of how you lost your right eye. It must’ve startled you.”

Kakashi stayed silent, one hand reaching up to touch the burn scar on his face – Tenzou wasn’t certain if he was doing that consciously. “I…” Kakashi then replied, quietly. “Yeah. You’re… You’re right.” His fingers tightened around the bottle of ointment. “It was like a flashback. It wasn’t nice.”

He spoke so sincerely, without any overlay of annoyance or forced optimism. It caught Tenzou off guard. “I can imagine,” he replied. “Do you need to talk about it?” He already knew what the answer was going to be, but he asked it anyway. He’d perfected that concerned-but-half-indifferent tone, so that Kakashi wouldn’t feel bad for saying no.

As expected, Kakashi scoffed. “No, thanks.”

“Okay. I get that.” Tenzou recognized that he should drop the subject; Kakashi had never liked opening up like this. He hated emotional vulnerability even more than physical vulnerability, and that said a lot.

Kakashi seemed to have completely forgotten about the healing ointment – good, because he had got to be hurting himself with how roughly he’d been slapping the cream onto his burns. “Sit down,” Tenzou said, gesturing to Kakashi’s hands; “I’ll do that for you.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Kakashi sighed and gave in. Tenzou wasn’t a medical-nin, nor did he have any training in that field, but he tried his best not to hurt Kakashi, dabbing the ointment onto his bright red skin as carefully as he could. Kakashi watched Tenzou’s every move, his Sharingan a narrow stripe of red through his eyelashes. Tenzou decided not to call him out on it. He couldn’t order Kakashi to close his eye, anyway, and he hadn’t come here to start an argument.

Kakashi seemed to calm down during the silence; at first, Tenzou could feel Kakashi’s hand tremble against his own, but the shaking stopped after a while. As Tenzou bandaged up Kakashi’s hands, Kakashi even joked that Tenzou would make a pretty good medical-nin, and the lighthearted tone sounded minimally strained.

The evening had clearly tired him out, though, so Tenzou soon convinced him to go to bed. Tenzou himself stuck around a little longer, to put the medical supplies back where they belonged and to clean up the spilled tea.

By the time Tenzou stepped into the bedroom to inform Kakashi that he was leaving, Kakashi had already fallen asleep. His eyepatch was haphazardly thrown onto the floor, right next to his tea-stained sweater. The ANBU tattoo was visible on Kakashi’s left arm, which was curled around on top of his blankets. One bandaged hand loosely gripped a shuriken-patterned blanket.

Tenzou smiled to himself, although the smile was a little sad. Sure, Kakashi might look peaceful now, but reality could beat him down again at any moment.

So Tenzou left silently. Every moment of calm was hard-won and painfully temporary. For now, he just let Kakashi have his rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi finally gets a break, and Tenzou finally has a chance to properly talk to Kakashi. Or – well, I guess not. *scowls at cup of tea and Kakashi’s emotional constipation*
> 
> I finished this chapter a little early – as you may have noticed, it’s Friday while I said I’d post on Sunday. That’s because the next chapter is a huge pain in the booty, and I’ll probably need more than two weeks to finish it. So consider this an offering in exchange for your patience XD
> 
> I’ve rewritten Chapter Seven three times and it’s still not the way I want it. The POV is… _interesting_ , and not something I’ve ever succesfully written before, so it's certainly a challenge. I’ll try hard to have it ready on December 20th (because it’s really nice to see your reactions on a dreary Monday morning every two weeks :)) but it could be a few days later. I promise I’ll definitely have it finished by Christmas, though!


	7. Of Missing-Nin and Other Pains in the Neck

_“Hey. Ryou. I’m back.”_

_“Akemi. Did you… Did you finally deal with those ANBU?”_

_“Yeah. They’re gone, now.”_

_“Good. They were starting… t-to annoy me.”_

_“Yeah, I didn’t like them, either. It’ll be worth it, though. By letting them follow us for a couple of days, I could make sure that no Konoha shinobi will find us again.”_

* * *

It was the middle of the night, and Nara Shikaku was on his way to Konoha’s hospital.

Why was he here? He couldn’t be sure. The messenger that had woken him up, had only told him that the Hokage had summoned him to the basement floor of the hospital.

The basement floor of the hospital – that was where the morgue was. Whatever was going on, somebody was dead.

When he arrived, Tsunade was already there, talking to Shizune. They were discussing the victim’s eyes; something about how the body’s chakra flow had already shut down, which made the eyes useless. That was something that happened an hour or so after death. This person had probably been dead for a while.

The door to the morgue was open, so Shikaku knocked as he walked in. Tsunade looked up from where she was bent over the body’s face. The dead person looked young, not much older than Shikaku’s own son. A cracked ANBU mask lay on a table a bit ahead.

Tsunade gave Shikaku a nod. “Good evening, Shikaku.”

“Good evening, Lady Hokage,” he replied, bowing his head to her and to Shizune. He waited; it was only polite to wait for the Hokage to speak.

Tsunade put a hand on Shizune’s shoulder. “Shizune, you’re free to leave,” she told her. “Thank you for your help.”

“Thank you, Lady Tsunade,” Shizune replied. She looked tired. Which made sense; the Hokage’s duties began early, and Shikaku had hardly ever seen Tsunade without Shizune by her side. They’d both probably been awake for twenty hours or longer.

Shizune left quietly. Now that the formalities had concluded, Tsunade’s face twisted into a frown.

Shikaku cleared his throat when she didn’t speak. “May I ask what happened?” he asked, gesturing towards the dead body.

“Yeah.” Tsunade dragged a hand across her face, clearly trying to get her thoughts in order. “Shikaku. I assume you’re aware of what happened to Hatake Kakashi last week, right?”

“His team got ambushed by a group of missing-nin,” Shikaku replied. “He lost his eye to a fire ninjutsu. Some of the missing-nin got away – at least two of them, if I heard correctly.”

“Correct,” Tsunade said. “The rest of the team was knocked out with genjutsu, and the enemy had paralyzed Kakashi’s arms with senbon. He took the hit to save his teammates.” She sighed. “Anyway, it’s quite common for shinobi squads to get attacked by missing-nin, whether it’s for revenge or for money. But since this is Team Kakashi we’re talking about, I feared there might be more to it.”

That made sense – this team existed not only of a jinchuuriki, but also the Hokage’s apprentice and two jounin who were undoubtedly in the Bingo Book. Shikaku didn’t know much about Sai, but he was in ROOT, so he might have a price on his head as well. Tsunade was right to question what was going on; it was difficult to figure out who it was that the missing-nin were after.

“So immediately after Team Kakashi returned, I sent out two ANBU to follow the missing-nin’s trail,” she said. “Both of them genjutsu specialists. I asked them to investigate whether this attack was part of a bigger plan, and to then take the missing-nin out discreetly. This was six days ago.” She gestured towards the ANBU mask on the table. “Today, one of them turned up dead.”

“What happened to the other one?” Shikaku asked.

The crease between Tsunade’s eyebrows deepened. “He’s in the hospital,” she replied. “He carried the dead body back here. He only had some minor injuries to his arms.”

One of the ANBU was dead, while the other was mostly unharmed? Shikaku frowned; “That’s strange.”

“It’s not the strangest thing,” Tsunade said. “He reported that they were attacked by Sand shinobi. He said they never found the missing-nin.”

“Shinobi?” Shikaku repeated. “Not missing-nin?” This conversation had suddenly gone from bad to worse. The Land of Fire was at peace with the Land of Wind – but this could be considered a declaration of war.

“That’s how I reacted, too,” Tsunade replied. “It’s just… The story doesn’t add up. Come look at this.”

She beckoned Shikaku over, so he walked closer. Tsunade put on a pair of plastic gloves and carefully pulled back the sheet that was draped over the body, revealing a stab wound in the middle of the kid’s chest. The wound was deep and ragged and bruising. Somebody had taken the time to force a kunai right through his heart – a thrown kunai would never produce such a wound.

Perhaps stranger, though, was the fact that there were small puncture wounds on the ANBU’s upper arms, little dots of blood. “Senbon,” Shikaku murmured. Tsunade nodded.

“The other ANBU had similar wounds,” she said. “And so had Kakashi. They were used to paralyze their arms, to make them unable to weave signs for ninjutsu.” She pulled the sheet back over the ANBU’s chest and took off her gloves. “There aren’t many senbon specialists out there.”

Shikaku hummed thoughtfully. Any sleepiness that had still been present in his mind, was wiped away by now – he was fully alert. “I don’t think that’s a coincidence.”

“I didn’t think so, either,” Tsunade said. “So I went back to examine the other ANBU a second time. It was barely noticeable, but his chakra flow had been altered just slightly.” She chewed on her lower lip. “He was put under a genjutsu. And a strong one, too – strong enough to get into the mind of an ANBU genjutsu specialist. His memories of his mission have been altered and I can’t undo it.”

Shikaku intertwined his fingers, the habit helping him think. “So these ANBU must’ve encountered at least one of those missing-nin,” he said. “The missing-nin immobilized the ANBU’s arms so they couldn’t fight back, and then put them both under a genjutsu. One of them was then killed with a kunai. The other was convinced that he’d come across Sand shinobi, likely to lead the attention away from this missing-nin.”

“Yeah,” Tsunade replied. “We’re probably not at war. I sent a messenger hawk to the Kazekage to make sure; in my experience, villages are usually more straightforward when they’re trying to fight you. And the Kazekage is one of Naruto’s closest friends. I can’t imagine that such a bold move was intentional, if it really happened.”

This whole situation was still a pain in the neck, though. Sure, it was a relief that Sand likely wasn’t trying to start a war, but that didn’t make things less complicated. They were still dealing with at least one dangerous missing-nin, not even mentioning the _other_ missing-nin.

Shikaku looked up at Tsunade. “Do we know anything about the other missing-nin?”

“Well, he’s the one that almost killed an entire shinobi squad,” she replied. “From what Sakura and Kakashi told me, he’s fast and he knows at least some elemental ninjutsu – he came charging at them with a fireball, after all.” She frowned. “Concerning his whereabouts… I don’t know anything. With how well Sakura punches, he might be dead, but the cleanup crew didn’t report seeing a body. He’s got to be injured at the very least. The other missing-nin might’ve even left him behind. In that case, we’ve got two trails to follow – both of them cold by now.”

Shikaku thought for a moment. “Regarding clues to their location, I think that the living ANBU is our best bet,” he said. “I’ll ask Inoichi to try and undo the genjutsu. There’s never been a mind that he couldn’t crack.”

“I agree,” Tsunade said, nodding. “The missing-nin may have moved again by the time we get the ANBU’s memories back, but at least we’ll have a fresher trail to follow. With ninja hounds and tracking specialists, it shouldn’t be difficult to find them.”

“The biggest problem is what to do once we’ve found them,” Shikaku mused. “It’s clear that the genjutsu specialist is strong – strong enough to influence other genjutsu specialists, at least for long enough to do serious damage. That doesn’t leave us with many options.”

There were quite a few genjutsu specialists in Konoha, but from the looks of it, this missing-nin was just as good at genjutsu as they were. That basically only left doujutsu users as good match-ups, since doujutsu were less susceptible to genjutsu – but Byakugan could only _identify_ whether their opponent was using genjutsu, not block it. That left only the other doujutsu in the village as a reliable way of defeating this enemy; the Sharingan had proved immune to most genjutsu, including those that the missing-nin used.

Unfortunately, there was only a single person in the village with a Sharingan.

Shikaku didn’t need to say anything; he saw the realization on Tsunade’s face, saw the corners of her mouth pull down. “That doesn’t leave us with many options, indeed,” she murmured. She leaned against the wall, looking as if she’d prefer to have a drink in her hand instead of these used medical gloves. “Our only hope against these people is currently _far_ from battle-ready.”

Shikaku stayed silent. He wasn’t so arrogant as to try and advice a medical-nin about medical things. She knew better what to do than he did.

Eventually, Tsunade sighed. “I won’t allow a dangerously exhausted man to go on a mission,” she said, “no matter how important it is or how good a shinobi he is. But if it truly has to be Kakashi… Well. I suppose I know what to do, then.”

Shikaku nodded. “I trust your decision, Lady Tsunade.”

Tsunade dragged a hand across her face. “Yeah,” she said, sounding much more tired than just now. “Thank you for your time, Shikaku. I apologize for summoning you here in the middle of the night, but I really needed your help in getting my thoughts sorted out.”

“It’s not a problem,” Shikaku replied, and he meant it. Sure, it was a drag to be pulled from his bed at two in the morning, but he supposed that that was an occupational hazard when you were the Hokage’s unofficial advisor. “I’ll go get Inoichi; the sooner we break that genjutsu, the better.” He paused, uncertain whether to say what was on his mind. “Oh, and Lady Hokage?”

“Yes?”

“One last piece of advice, if you’re willing to listen.” When Tsunade nodded, he continued: “Please don’t send one of Konoha’s best shinobi into a battle that will definitely kill him.”

Her smile was small and tired, but sincere. “I know,” she said. “Don’t worry. I swear that I won’t let him die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this chapter posted on time!!! I finally finished it this morning. 1 kudos is 1 RIP for my poor wrists and my poor brain
> 
> This part had been kicking my butt (this is my _fifth rewrite_ of chapter 7), but I managed to shuffle some scenes around and make it work better. I mentioned a chapter with an interesting POV; that will actually be the _next_ chapter, chapter 8. I hinted at it at the start of this chapter~
> 
> Winter break has started, which means that college isn’t murdering me as much right now, so I have no doubts that I’ll be able to post chapter 8 on Sunday January 3rd. Have a merry Christmas in the meantime, if you celebrate it, and stay safe, and I’ll see you again in 2021!


	8. The Ones That Got Away

Her name was Akemi, and she could freeze time.

Making everything _stop_ – that was the prettiest thing about genjutsu, or at least she’d always thought so. The thought filled her head as she gazed at the two ANBU, both of them frozen. One of them was sprawled out on the ground, and the other was on his knees a couple of meters away, the sun shining through the eyeholes of his mask at _just_ the right angle to illuminate his constricted pupils, his wide eyes.

They’d been travelling for days without much rest. Akemi had noticed early on that she was being followed, no matter how good the ANBU were at hiding. She was a master of hiding as well. She knew the tricks of the trade.

If they’d wanted to kill her, then they would’ve tried to already. No – these ANBU wanted information. They wanted to know where she was going, who she was meeting. But she was meeting nobody, and there was nowhere she could go.

If she just kept moving, though, they’d never find out that she wasn’t going anywhere.

So she let them follow her around for a bit. In the end, it wouldn’t matter, anyway. This way, she could let her trail grow cold.

She’d gotten used to the aching of her legs, the pain in her feet. She hadn’t deemed it smart to rest for long, because the ANBU might start to realize that she was just walking without a destination – so she’d kept moving, and the ANBU had followed her, never stopping.

Now, though, everything was silent. Still and unmoving. The senbon that stuck from the ANBU’s shoulders gleamed in the sun, their own personal beams of light.

How pretty.

She didn’t have much time to appreciate the view; although time appeared to be frozen, she knew that that wasn’t true, and that the ANBU could break her genjutsu at any moment. The last time she’d used this genjutsu, it had also been broken too early, and that wasn’t a moment she was willing to repeat.

She kneeled next to the ANBU on the ground and took the kunai that he was holding in his hand, his fingers slack and weak in his unconsciousness. The kunai was heavy; she was used to her senbon. Nevertheless, she unzipped the ANBU’s flak jacket and set the tip of the kunai down on his chest.

This was another good thing about her genjutsu. Right now, this ANBU was caught in his personal illusion. He wouldn’t realize that his body was dying until he was already dead.

A painless death. Such a death was uncommon for ANBU – for shinobi in general, really. Akemi didn’t like death, didn’t like to kill, but she was smart enough to know that it was inevitable, sometimes. She could handle the thought better when she wasn’t causing anybody pain.

She plunged the kunai as far towards the ANBU’s heart as she could, but she wasn’t strong enough to pierce his heart in one try. The kunai scraped against bone as she wrenched it in between the ANBU’s ribs.

As she worked, his mask slipped from his face. Without the mask, the ANBU at her kunai was just a kid, an unfamiliar one; Akemi didn’t recognize his face from the Bingo Book. That didn’t stop her. She was just a kid as well, and the ANBU hadn’t shown her any mercy either. He would have given her a much more painful death if she’d let him have his way.

Afterwards, she got up – the mask made a satisfying crunching noise underneath her sandal. She stuck the kunai into her weapons pouch and wiped her hands on her pants. She took the senbon back; they were hers, and she would need them again.

Already weaving the necessary signs, she walked over to the other ANBU. This one was taller, almost as tall as she was even though he was sitting on his knees. It was easy to reach out and pull his mask to the side to press her fingertips against his forehead.

“Listen,” she whispered. “You never saw us. The two of you got attacked by Sand shinobi, and you had to flee back home. You failed your mission.”

The ANBU’s eyes twitched, almost unnoticeably so. It meant he understood. Akemi removed her fingers from the man’s face, and he got up, still stiffly, still unseeing. He would stay like this until he got back to his village.

“Take your friend with you,” Akemi said, gesturing to the dead ANBU on the ground. “Make sure he doesn’t bleed too much on your way back. Take the mask and go home – I know that you can find the way back. And farewell.”

She turned around when the ANBU bent down to pick his squadmate up from the ground. She didn’t need to stay here and watch; she knew that her genjutsu worked. For now, she just had to run away one last time. _They_ needed to run away one last time.

She’d fought the ANBU by herself, but she wasn’t here alone. A bit ahead, her companion waited, propped up against a tree. He, too, was sitting quietly and unmoving, but it wasn’t because of Akemi’s genjutsu. He was injured. His breaths were quick and shallow in his restless unconsciousness.

She poked his upper arm. “Hey,” she called. “Ryou. I’m back.”

His subconscious reacting to his name, Ryou started awake, wincing when the movement jolted his broken ribs. It took him a few seconds to recognize that Akemi was Akemi instead of a threat; Akemi waited patiently.

“Akemi,” he breathed eventually. His eyes shifted to her clothes, which were now stained with the ANBU’s blood. “Did you… Did you finally deal with those ANBU?”

“Yeah,” she replied, nodding. “They’re gone, now.”

Ryou leaned his head back against the treetrunk. “Good,” he said. “They were starting… t-to annoy me.”

Akemi hummed. “Yeah,” she agreed, “I didn’t like them, either. It’ll be worth it, though. By letting them follow us for a couple of days, I could make sure that no Konoha shinobi will find us again.” She stood up and held out her hand. “We should go, now. If we hide well enough, then our trail will grow cold and we will be free.”

“I know.” He didn’t take her hand, instead pushed himself to his feet with the tree’s help. Akemi ducked underneath his arm and kept him upright. They’d been walking like this for the past few days and nights. He may be bigger and taller than she was, but she’d gotten used to his weight by now.

They started walking quietly, neither of them saying anything. Ryou wasn’t the type for small talk, Akemi had noticed – not when his breathing was heavy like this and his feet were dragging like this. That was okay. Akemi was just as content walking in silence and appreciating the way the sun fell through the leaves and created squiggly shadows on the ground.

She didn’t know how much time had passed – time was always difficult for her, and she never noticed that it was late until the sun set or rose again – but at some point, she noticed that Ryou was leaning on her a little more heavily than earlier. It was time for a break, then.

They stopped at a nearby tree, Ryou lowering himself onto the ground with a groan that sounded equal parts annoyed and pained. His chest was heaving, and his face was pale and sweaty.

“Don’t puke,” Akemi said helpfully. “That’d be a waste of that rabbit we ate yesterday.”

Ryou glared at her; she suspected that he’d really like to yell at her, but simply didn’t have enough oxygen to do so. “Just… Just trying to catch my breath,” was what he eventually muttered.

Recognizing that she couldn’t help him with that, Akemi sat down as well and drank some water from her flask. She’d filled her flask at a small creek yesterday morning. She’d learned at the Academy how to clean water with just her chakra, the same way she could split poison from blood, but the water still tasted funny. She much preferred this over dehydration, though. Dehydration wasn’t funny at all.

Silently, Akemi offered the flask to Ryou, and he snatched it out of her hand, almost as if he was expecting her to pull the flask away again. He drank two small sips – Akemi could see his Adam’s apple move when he swallowed – and then frowned deeply.

“That was the last of our water,” he said, “wasn’t it?”

Akemi nodded. “It was.”

“Damn it.” Ryou gripped the flask so tightly that his knuckles went white and, with more force than necessary, threw the flask towards Akemi’s head. “Damn it!”

Akemi easily caught the flask in her hand. “If you’re going to get mad at me, then I’ll leave you behind,” she said calmly, because it was the truth. “Don’t shout.”

Ryou looked away, his hands balling into fists at his sides. He seemed startled at Akemi’s words, startled more than angry. “I’m not mad at you,” he murmured eventually. “I’m just mad… at things in general.”

Akemi listened, because this was the longest conversation she’d had with him so far and it wouldn’t be nice to let it end now.

Sure enough, he continued quietly: “I just wish… I wish we’d gotten our hands on that damn Sharingan shinobi.”

Ah. Akemi understood his frustration, now. Because that “damn Sharingan shinobi” was Kakashi of the Sharingan, and his head would have sold for a lot of money.

There had been a dozen of them when they’d started – a dozen of Sand missing-nin. And they’d each wanted to become rich.

Akemi hadn’t cared much about the money itself, but she’d heard of the plan and supposed that it was better than spending her days with a team that was afraid of her and living alone on the streets in between her missions. Plus, she had enough of the sand and blistering heat. She wanted to go somewhere beautiful, and money would allow her to do just that.

A couple of the other missing-nin disliked some Konoha shinobi for reasons of war and assassination that Akemi didn’t quite understand. The price on his head was high, but his information in the Bingo Book said that he was immune to genjutsu. He was an opponent that Akemi would rather stay away from.

But Akemi didn’t make the decisions – the older and scarier people in the group did – so she’d just accepted the plan and helped set a trap to lure Kakashi of the Sharingan out into the open.

When the time was there, Akemi herself had stayed out of the fight. She wasn’t a deadly kind of shinobi. If she had stepped into that slaughter, she would have died along with the rest. All she’d been able to do, was hide, conceal her chakra and watch as her fellow missing-nin were killed. It hadn’t been a very pretty sight at all.

Her fellow missing-nin hadn’t trusted her, because her genjutsu wasn’t perfect. If she had used her genjutsu right there and then, she would have knocked out everyone within her sight, including her allies. They’d been scared that she would kill them, too, and run off with the money.

They’d asked her to use genjutsu as a last resort. She’d made that promise. And so, she hadn’t used her genjutsu until everyone else was dead.

It was a coincidence that Ryou decided to slip out of the battle and join her in the treeline. It was a coincidence that he wasn’t instantly afraid of her, and hadn’t given away her location, and had allowed her to conceal his chakra as well. It was a coincidence that he was willing to help along with her plan to stay alive.

It was a coincidence that Kakashi was quick enough to jump in front of Ryou’s fire ninjutsu and save his team.

The moment had been wonderful, though. How Ryou had slammed his fireball right into the middle of Kakashi’s chest. How Kakashi had fallen backwards with the impact, how his body had twitched briefly before going completely still. How their plan had succeeded – he was _dead_.

And after that, it was a coincidence that the girl from Kakashi’s team broke Akemi’s genjutsu.

It was a coincidence that Kakashi’s team left with their leader’s body.

That whole day consisted of a series of truly awful coincidences. Akemi liked to see glimmers of hope, though. Because it was also a coincidence that they were both still alive – especially Ryou. That pink-haired girl had punched him hard enough to send him flying into a tree, and the impact had left a dent in the wood. And Akemi had wondered, albeit briefly, what if she was the only one left? What if she was all alone?

Yet, here they were, tired and hungry but at least they weren’t _alone_. So Akemi smiled. “The Bingo Book is full of shinobi who could get us a lot of money,” she said. “We’ll have another chance.”

Ryou looked at her from beneath his frown, something like surprise in his eyes. “I guess so,” he grumbled. “Let’s just keep going. We’ll only get that other chance if no one comes after us again and murders us. So I’d like to avoid that.”

Akemi nodded and got up, holding out a hand to help Ryou upright. This time, he did take her hand.

Near the end of the day, they found a hiding spot in a shallow cave. It was right next to a large puddle of water, almost like a little pond, and Akemi and Ryou finally drank the amount of water their bodies needed.

By then, Akemi was too tired to keep her eyes open; the constant threat from the ANBU had kept her awake, but now that they were gone, her eyelids were starting to become heavier and heavier.

“You should really sleep,” she told Ryou regardless. “I have to stay awake, to hide our chakra, but you can go to sleep.”

Ryou was sitting next to her in the cave, close enough that she could feel it when he huffed incredulously. “Even if Konoha somehow comes after us again, they won’t be here this soon,” he replied. “Don’t be dumb. If you don’t dare sleep, I’ll keep watch.”

It was too dark to see his expression, but Akemi was certain that it looked very pretty. “Okay, then,” she said. “I’ll sleep.”

She could rest easy, after all.

Their only enemy who was immune to her genjutsu, had been dead for days, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **these guys:** we killed kakashi! we’re safe from him :)
> 
> **me, hiding kakashi (who is Very Much Alive) behind my back:** mmhm yah definitely
> 
> I’d been planning and rewriting this chapter since _fricking September_ , guys. I really wanted to make sure that these characters were as good as they could be. I hope you enjoyed it (and also, happy new year! It’s cliché of me to say, but I hope 2021 will be a better year for you than 2020 :) )
> 
> Next chapter, Kakashi will be getting some very interesting news from Tsunade~ That chapter will be posted on January 17th.


	9. Calm Disobedience

It had been two days since Kakashi had been discharged from the hospital, and he was… doing pretty okay, honestly. He’d been resting near-constantly; thankfully, sleeping was much easier in his own apartment than in the hospital.

After he’d burned his hands with tea, he’d started using his Sharingan to see, again – the burns may have healed already, but the embarrassment was still fresh in Kakashi’s mind. He was _technically_ disobeying his orders, but he only used his Sharingan for important things, so it was probably fine. Important things included but were not limited to preparing food, not hitting his head on stuff, and that one time he’d gotten ridiculously damn bored and had ended up reading for almost an hour.

Anyway, this morning, Kakashi woke up and felt _fine_. He felt rested, and the lingering headache that he’d been having for the past week was finally gone – he wasn’t even cold anymore. At last, he’d managed to sleep off his exhaustion.

He’d pretty much been locked up in his apartment for the past two days, so he decided to take a walk to celebrate the fact that he _could_ go for a walk again. It was still very early in the morning – _yeah_ , Kakashi had used his Sharingan to check the time as well, but he supposed that that counted as an important thing – so the chances of someone bumping into him were small. He just needed to avoid any route where he might come across Tsunade or Sakura or Shizune, because if one of them caught him outside when he was supposed to be in bed, then he wasn’t sure what they’d do to him.

So he put on his uniform – because even though he wasn’t planning on running into anyone, it still wasn’t very acceptable to leave home in his pajamas – and went outside. He used his Sharingan to find his way, but only sparingly; the eye could process loads of information at once, so opening it for a mere fraction of a second was enough to get an idea of where he was. Thankfully, no one was around to judge him for the fact that he was walking around with his eyes closed. And so, he made his way to where he wanted to be.

Kakashi visited Obito first, sitting down on the ground next to the monument. It was easy to find Obito’s name – the characters were engraved in Kakashi’s mind as much as they were engraved in the stone. He ran his fingers across the name, tracing the katakana with his fingertips.

 _Long time no see, Obito,_ Kakashi thought, and found it in himself to smile.

Once Obito was all up-to-date with the events of last week – there was a _lot_ to tell him – Kakashi bade him goodbye and left to go to his second destination. Visiting Rin was a little different, since Kakashi couldn’t very well kneel directly on her grave to touch her name where he would normally stare at it, so he kept his distance and hoped that she’d be able to hear him regardless.

He took the effort to articulate his thoughts clearly, as if he was speaking to someone over a staticky radio line; that’s how he imagined how Rin would hear him, if she could hear him at all. He told her what had happened to his eye, and why he hadn’t been to her grave in a while, and…

“Kakashi-sensei?”

…and he lost his train of thought through his surprise, because he hadn’t realized that somebody was standing next to him.

The voice was too high-pitched to be from one of his students, but the kid had called him sensei, still, so that was confusing. His Sharingan snapped open on reflex, and he turned around. Behind him stood the Third’s grandson – Konohamaru. He was probably here to visit his grandfather and his uncle, then.

Kakashi closed his Sharingan as quickly as he’d opened it, but not quickly enough to miss the spike of surprise in Konohamaru’s chakra. He raised an eyebrow at the kid; “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, uhm. No, not really.” He sounded flustered. After a pause, he continued: “I just wasn’t aware that you owned a left eye, Kakashi-sensei.”

“What--” Kakashi began, but then he stopped. He’d never really thought about it, but it made perfect sense that Konohamaru didn’t know that he had his Sharingan. He always covered it, and when he didn’t, he generally held it closed outside of battle. And his reputation as Kakashi of the Sharingan apparently didn’t extend to the younger generations of shinobi, since Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke had been surprised about his eye when he showed them the first time.

He’d never _considered_ how many people didn’t know. How many people in his village were unaware of his _entire left eye_?

“Uhm, sensei?” Konohamaru’s voice interrupted Kakashi’s minor crisis. “You seem to have zoned out.”

“Yeah – sorry.” Kakashi shook himself; his mind had gotten used to wandering off after a whole week of being gravely bored, apparently. “But-- You talk to Naruto a lot, right? Did he never… So he never thought to mention that I have a left eye?”

Konohamaru hummed thoughtfully. “He might have,” he admitted, “but Naruto-niichan’s stories are always a little… _vague_. He’s gotten better at it, but he used to tell me the most exciting stuff first, and then he’d forget what he told me already, and then we’d suddenly be talking about frogs or something.” He paused; Kakashi guessed that he shrugged. “If he told me at all, then it was probably too confusing to make sense of it.”

“I can imagine what you mean,” Kakashi said with a sigh – Naruto resembled Obito in a lot of ways, and this was no exception. In this regard, he reminded him of Gai, as well. Kakashi wasn’t sure why he was surrounded by people who didn’t know how to communicate information in the right order. “With how Naruto gives instructions, I’m still impressed that you somehow managed to learn the Rasengan from him.”

“It took some patience on my part,” Konohamaru agreed. He fell quiet after that, and said after a moment: “So, I’m not sure if I understood it right, but Naruto-niichan also told me that you lost your right eye on a mission. That’s got to suck.”

“It’s blinded, yeah.” Kakashi hadn’t _lost_ his right eye – behind his eyepatch, it was very much still _there_ , but Konohamaru could do without that information. “I’m waiting for a replacement, though, so it doesn’t suck as bad as it could have.”

“Oh. At least that’s good.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the kid, a smirk pulling at his mouth. “So even in that context, Naruto didn’t think to mention that I can still actually _see_ when I need to?”

“Nope.” Konohamaru laughed; “That’s pretty stupid, now that I think about it.”

“Well, that’s Naruto for you,” Kakashi mused out loud, earning more laughter from Konohamaru. It was starting to get warmer, and for the first time in days, Kakashi actually noticed the summer heat. If his Sharingan were a normal eye, he probably would have seen sunlight shine through his eyelid, but Sharingan were night blind – if his Sharingan functioned in the dark, it would be no use covering it. He could appreciate the warmth on his face, though.

“It’s supposed to get really hot, today,” Konohamaru said, probably thinking about similar things. “At least, that’s what Ebisu-sensei said yesterday. Oh – crap! Ebisu-sensei!” He made a nervous noise. “Uhm, I’ve realized that I’m kinda running late for training. I’ve got to go – see you, Kakashi-sensei, and good luck with your eye!”

“Thanks,” Kakashi called after him as he ran away, probably too loudly because he couldn’t quite tell how far away Konohamaru was. He was by himself again, standing alone in a graveyard, but it didn’t feel as heavy as it had before. Konohamaru had that effect on people – he reminded Kakashi of Naruto, in that regard. And Obito. And Gai. Rin and Minato, too. He’d never given it much thought, but he was glad that he was surrounded by people who made his thoughts a little less dark.

He finished his one-sided conversation with Rin and returned home, feeling tired but better than he’d felt before. And now, it was probably best if he went to bed. That way, he hopefully wouldn’t look suspiciously tired when Tsunade’d come to check on him tonight.

* * *

“Hey, Kakashi. Open up. I’m here for your appointment.”

Tsunade stood at the door to Kakashi’s apartment. He hadn’t reacted to her knocking, so she’d resorted to shouting, now. She wondered if he was even home. Sure, she’d showed up an hour early to test exactly that, but still; if he wasn’t here, then he was _in for it_.

Finally, some footsteps sounded inside, and the door cracked open. Kakashi stood in the hallway. His Sharingan opened a little, but he closed it immediately once he’d confirmed that it was in fact Tsunade who was knocking on his door. He was wearing pajama pants and a wrinkled T-shirt, and his hair stood in even more different directions than usual. He looked like he’d just rolled out of bed.

Tsunade didn’t feel bad about waking him up; in fact, it was _good_ that she’d woken him up, because that meant that he’d been sleeping. It meant that he’d listened to her advice, and she didn’t need to kick his ass.

“Lady Hokage,” he said after a second, straightening up a little. “I believe you’re… a little early?”

A shinobi should expect the unexpected, Tsunade thought. “I wanted to see if you were actually resting,” she said, “instead of running off like a brat. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I guess it wouldn’t,” Kakashi confirmed sheepishly, scratching at the back of his head. “Uhm, anyway, come in. I’ll take a minute to put on my uniform, since I’m… in my pajamas, and all.”

Tsunade scoffed. “You don’t have to do that. If you were in the hospital, I wouldn’t ask you to stand at attention the moment I walk in, either.” She stepped into the apartment. “Just sit down somewhere, so that I can take a look at you, yeah?”

There was a small living room with a couch, so that was where Kakashi sat down. Tsunade noticed that the apartment wasn’t a _huge_ dump, apart from the standard clutter that came with living alone. So it seemed that Kakashi had been able to handle himself for the past few days, more or less.

Kakashi’s body temperature was also back to acceptable – still a little too low to be normal, but Kakashi was sitting here in a T-shirt and not shivering, so it was good enough. It didn’t seem to cost him any effort to sit up straight, either.

“So you’ve finally shaken off that chakra exhaustion,” Tsunade said to him, raising an eyebrow at him. “I’m surprised, considering that you didn’t exactly follow my orders.”

Judging by how Kakashi’s face turned bright pink, her conclusion was correct. Of course it was. Yamato had told her that he had a hunch that Kakashi was using his Sharingan to see again, and on top of that, Kakashi’s apartment was still in one piece. He wasn’t used to moving around blindly, yet Tsunade hadn’t noticed anything broken in his apartment, and he didn’t have any visible bruises or scrapes where he might have walked into a wall or the corner of a table. Plus, he’d noticed that Tsunade had arrived earlier than she should have, which meant that he’d probably looked at a clock, or at least managed to set his alarm.

Conclusion: he’d used his Sharingan to see, and quite regularly, while she’d specifically instructed him not to do that.

She sighed. “You never learn, do you?” She couldn’t really feel mad about it, though. She’d been a medical-nin for long enough to expect stuff like this. It was a universal trait among shinobi to get _incredibly_ stubborn when they weren’t feeling well. And that stubbornness was even worse when such a shinobi was also pretty smart and good at escaping from rooms, and had a deeply-rooted hatred towards hospitals and medical-nin, and was named Hatake Kakashi.

“I’m sorry,” he said – well, at least he wasn’t too stubborn to be embarrassed. “I accidentally spilled tea all over my hands on my first day home, and I… kind of wanted to prevent further injuries, I guess.”

“It’s alright. Yamato told me what happened.” If the choice was between Kakashi disobeying her orders a little and him injuring himself in his own home, then him using his Sharingan was definitely the lesser of the two evils.

She smiled when Kakashi’s shoulders relaxed, and continued: “And I also heard that you went for a walk this morning.”

He stiffened. “Uhm. Yeah. That’s true.”

“Well, I appreciate your honesty,” Tsunade replied. “I instructed you to stay home. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Either he actually didn’t have anything to say for himself, or he was smart enough not to. “I’m… sorry.”

Tsunade sighed and kept quiet. She studied Kakashi’s face. Was this the right moment to bring up what she wanted to bring up?

“Kakashi,” she said. “There’s… something I need to discuss with you.”

He straightened up, a focused frown on his face. His jaws clenched underneath his mask, barely visible but quite obvious if you knew him well enough. This wasn’t just him paying attention; he was bracing himself for bad news. “What is it, Lady Hokage?”

“I want you to start training again.”

Kakashi’s frown deepened at first as he processed what she’d just said, and then, a small soft gasp escaped from his throat. “What?”

“You need to start training again,” Tsunade repeated. “Responsibly, of course. Only a couple of hours a day.” She dragged a hand across her face. “I’d wanted to keep you on sick leave until we could replace your eye, but it’s taking longer than I expected. And on top of that… Well. You’re the only person who could possibly take out the missing-nin who did this to you. I need you more or less battle-ready by the time we find them.”

She didn’t like this decision – the medical-nin part of her _hated_ it. Patients were supposed to _rest_. That was what she had always learned, and her intuition protested violently against the words that were coming out of her mouth.

Unfortunately, she was also Hokage, not only a medical-nin. And one of Kakashi’s students was a jinchuuriki who was actively being targeted by the Akatsuki, not to mention that at least two members of Team Kakashi had a price on their heads. Once Kakashi recovered and went on missions again, things could go wrong at any moment. She couldn’t wait for him to recover and _then_ start getting back into shape; that was time that they might not have, and that was a gamble that Tsunade didn’t want to take.

Kakashi seemed to be mulling over those same thoughts. “It’s smart,” he said eventually. “If the timing is right, I’ll be able to get back into the field right after I’ve gotten my eye back, correct?”

“Yes.”

Kakashi nodded. “Okay,” he replied. “When do you want me to start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gordon ramsay voice* **finally, some good fucking ~~food~~ news!!**
> 
> This chapter was really fun to write XD Because I’m writing this fic, I’ve been thinking about and researching Sharingan a lot – the first half of this chapter was mostly some theories I’ve been coming up with, since they’re never really addressed in canon. The idea of the Sharingan not seeing anything/much when it’s dark, is my favorite theory! It was mostly born from the realization that Sharingan’s pupils always stay relatively small, which means that they never adjust to pick up light in the darkness. Plus, the fact that Kakashi (and Danzou, too) covers or closes his Sharingan to conserve chakra, which wouldn’t. really work. if it could see in the dark
> 
> Also, Tsunade’s POV is lots of fun to write
> 
> Next chapter, Kakashi will finally start training again, for better or for worse~ I’ll post somewhere in between January 31st and February 7th, because I have a big deadline for school that week and I don’t know how much time I’ll have to write. Thanks so much for reading, stay safe, and I’ll see you then!


	10. Arriving Late, Once Again

Tenzou was late for training, and it wasn’t his fault.

He’d been perfectly punctual for all of last week. The kids had been able to train for the absolute maximum time possible. Somebody else would’ve been annoyed at missing the starting time of training today.

Tenzou didn’t mind, though. He didn’t mind the reason he was late.

“Hey, Kakashi. It’s me, Yamato. Are you ready for training?”

Kakashi was coming with him, today. So of course they were going to be late. Tenzou wouldn’t have expected otherwise.

A nervous laugh sounded from beyond the front door. “One second,” Kakashi replied. “I’m almost finished.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tenzou replied, and leaned against the wall next to the front door. Knowing Kakashi, he was going to be here a while. He couldn’t hold back a fond smile. “Take your time. I informed the kids that you’ll be training with us today, so I’m sure they’re already expecting us to be late, anyway.”

“I bet they are,” Kakashi mused out loud. The front door opened, revealing Kakashi, who just zipped shut his flak jacket. It was so foreign to see him in full uniform again. His headband was still missing, since he wasn’t officially back on duty just yet, but for the most part, he looked almost _normal_ again.

Not counting the eyepatch over his right eye, of course. And the new scar that was no longer red, but still very much visible, rough-looking skin peeking out from under fabric. And the fact that Kakashi had his Sharingan uncovered but noticeably kept it closed. Things weren’t the same. They may never be the same again.

Still, though. Kakashi was out in full uniform, and for the first time that week that Tenzou had seen, he showed no signs of exhaustion. He looked strong. Comfortable, as he put his hands in his pockets and raised a questioning eyebrow towards Tenzou.

“Tenzou?” Kakashi asked. “Are you still here, or did you leave while I wasn’t looking? That’d be very rude, you know. I didn’t take you for such an impatient person.”

“I’m still here,” Tenzou replied quickly. “Sorry for my silence. I was just stunned that you’re, well, _almost_ on time.”

Kakashi smiled and shrugged. “Ah, I try,” he said. “Well, we should get going. It’s no use to stand here talking – all of my effort to be on time would be for nothing.”

“Right.”

They started walking, Tenzou still half lost in thought. He was almost embarrassed to admit that it took him a few steps to realize that something wasn’t right.

“Hey,” he said, frowning. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Kakashi asked innocently.

“Don’t use your Sharingan like that.” Tenzou sought eye contact with Kakashi – he still seemed intent on playing dumb, the red eye slightly wider in mock ignorance. “Seriously. I don’t want you to run out of energy before we’ve even reached the training grounds.”

Kakashi smiled. “You know Lady Hokage gave me permission to train again, right?” he replied, waving his hand dismissively. “That means that I can use my Sharingan all I want. Those were the Hokage’s orders.”

His tone was light, but his words somehow sounded like a warning. With a sigh, Tenzou dropped the subject. “Okay, then. Just… let me know if you get too tired.”

The warning in Kakashi’s voice was a little clearer, now. “I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me, anymore.”

Tenzou wasn’t certain what response would be best, so he just nodded and kept silent. Like that, they walked to the training grounds, the atmosphere between them tense. Tenzou kept an eye on Kakashi, half expecting him to stumble. He couldn’t quite shake off that worry, although it would probably only annoy Kakashi if he showed that too clearly.

“Kakashi-sensei! Yamato-taichou!”

Naruto’s voice pulled Tenzou from his thoughts as the kid came rushing towards them, pointing at them accusingly.

“You’re both _late_!” he shouted, but his angry tone wasn’t very effective with how he was practically vibrating with excitement. Sakura and Sai skidded to a halt next to him, both of them also staring at Kakashi with barely-contained wonder.

Kakashi laughed, a little awkward under the sudden attention. “Sorry, sorry,” he said. “I was having a very bad hair day, so it took a while before I was brave enough to leave home.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Naruto yelled back, but there still wasn’t any true annoyance in his voice.

Tenzou smiled to himself as Naruto shouted some more. Kakashi arriving late, then making up some obviously untrue excuse as his students nagged him about his tardiness – it was pretty much routine at this point. This was how mornings with Team Kakashi were supposed to go.

“Calm down, Naruto,” Sakura said, putting a hand on Naruto’s shoulder. “Half an hour isn’t _that_ long a time to wait. Stop yelling.”

“Yeah, Naruto,” Sai added. “There’s been mornings where Kakashi-sensei was an hour late, or two hours. Thirty minutes isn’t that bad, at least for his standards.”

“Hey,” Kakashi said with a pout, “stop being so mean, guys.” The whine in his voice was clearly fake; he sounded relieved. If the kids felt comfortable enough to tease him again, then everything was as normal as it could be.

“All right, that’s enough,” Tenzou told the kids, his tone mild. “Let’s start training for the day. Kakashi’s only training with us until lunch time, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to stand here and be yelled at all morning.”

Training went on the same way it had for the past week. Kakashi kept his distance, training by himself on the other side of the training field. Every so often, Tenzou noticed one of the students glancing over at him, checking if he was okay. Especially Sakura seemed to be keeping a close eye on Kakashi – Tenzou wondered if she had orders from Tsunade, or if she was just worried.

So despite the obvious atmosphere of relief that their sensei was back, the kids still seemed cautious. That was good. The knowledge that his whole team was watching him, might discourage Kakashi from pushing himself too far.

When lunch time came around, Kakashi walked back to the rest of the team. The kids were already sitting in a circle on the ground, each of them digging into their lunch boxes. Tenzou raised his eyebrows at Kakashi.

“Are you leaving?” he asked.

“You can stay with us a little longer, y’know, sensei,” Naruto said through a mouthful of food. He patted the empty spot of grass next to him; “Come sit with us!”

Kakashi smiled, but shook his head. “I’m kind of forced into bedrest for the rest of the day,” he replied. “Hokage’s orders, unfortunately. I can’t stay here.”

“Alright,” Naruto replied, not seeming very bothered at being shut down, “good night, then, sensei!”

“It’s the middle of the day, Naruto,” Sai corrected him.

“Good afternoon?” Naruto tried, before shrugging and settling on a loud “sleep well, Kakashi-sensei!”.

The team watched Kakashi leave, his head still held high and his steps even. He seemed just as strong and comfortable as he’d seemed at the start of the day. It lessened the tight feeling in Tenzou’s gut a little.

Next to Tenzou, Sakura watched Kakashi’s back with a thoughtful frown. “What is it, Sakura?” Tenzou asked her. “Is something wrong?”

She shook her head. “Nothing,” she replied. “Kakashi-sensei was training really hard all morning. I was worried that he might tire himself out too much, but he seems fine.” She smiled. “I’m glad.”

“Yeah,” Tenzou replied, more to himself than to Sakura. “I’m glad, too.”

Maybe things had gone back to normal, after all. Some new version of normal that was just as good.

Maybe Tenzou could finally afford to be optimistic, for once.

* * *

That night, Kakashi awoke in agony.

He’d been fine all morning. It had been easier than expected to get back to training; he’d even caught himself thinking that he might get back into shape sooner than he’d thought. And sure, he’d been tired by the time he got back home – even if his chakra was back to its maximum level, it was pretty tiring to use his Sharingan for four hours – but he hadn’t been in _pain_. Just physically exhausted, so he’d gone straight to bed.

Now, though, the mild ache of his tired body had combined itself with the muscle soreness that came with training for the first time in days, and it _hurt_.

Everything hurt. His shoulders were so tense it was painful, and his stomach muscles felt like they were trying to escape through his back, and his legs were cramping, moving out of his control. He couldn’t tell which was worse.

He gritted his teeth and tried to roll onto his side, hoping to find a position that would be less awful, but his limbs were too heavy to move – the effort sent a sickening spasm through Kakashi’s body. This was hopeless, he realized. It’d be for the best if he just tried not to move.

Like that, he lay there, panting. He was staring at the ceiling through his eyelashes, the bedroom colored a dark red. The Sharingan had perfect vision, but if that hadn’t been the case, he was sure that his vision would’ve been blurry. The arrows of his alarm clock gleamed in the corner of his eye; it was almost four in the morning. Another three hours before Tenzou would be here to pick him up.

Kakashi balled a fist in his pillow. Three hours – he had three hours to get himself back together. If Tenzou knocked on his door and Kakashi wasn’t able to open it, then Tenzou would definitely overreact. And then he’d come in through the window and see Kakashi like this, and then he might tell Tsunade about it and she could forbid him to go outside again--

No. No – Kakashi wouldn’t allow that to happen. He didn’t want to be stuck at home again.

This pain just needed to pass so that he could go back to sleep again, and then he’d be perfectly well-rested by the time training began.

He turned his head to look at the bedroom door, his neck protesting against the movement. There was a box of painkillers in the bathroom; he just needed to muster up the strength to get there.

Testingly, he tried to sit up, but his stomach immediately sent a spike of pain through his upper body. Kakashi gasped and dropped back onto the mattress, curling in on himself reflexively.

This was bad. This was… really damn bad. Kakashi could barely move; even the simple act of breathing sent waves of pain through his body. Even if he somehow got out of bed, he’d probably never reach the bathroom. It was clear that he wasn’t going to fall back asleep if this kept up, either.

Calling for help was futile – it was impossible to reach anyone, especially at this hour. And even _if_ he could’ve somehow reached someone, he wouldn’t have called for help, anyway. That would mean that he’d have to explain what was going on, _and_ somehow convince that person not to tattle on him to the medical-nin, and he wasn’t sure if he could even talk right now without sounding incredibly pathetic. If he just lay still, it was bearable.

He could deal with this alone.

He cringed as another cramp forced itself through his leg, making his legs kick out of his control. His ears rang, the sound pulsating with every shallow breath.

Okay, maybe this was worse than Kakashi had initially thought. Maybe he _did_ need help.

He eyed his flak jacket, which was thrown haphazardly on the floor. His summoning scroll was in one of the pockets; if he could reach for it, he could summon one of his ninken.

Jaws clenched, Kakashi dragged himself over to the edge of the mattress, putting strain on his arms instead of his abdominal muscles because that was somehow less excrutiating. Carefully, he reached out a hand towards his flak jacket, but his fingertips only barely grazed the rough fabric. He wasn’t close enough.

He edged closer, until he was hanging halfway out of bed and was able to click open the front pocket with the scroll…

But the effort of keeping the lower half of his body in bed was asking upper body strength that he didn’t have. His stomach muscles cramped, making him fold in on himself – and he fell out of bed, crashing unceremoniously on the floor.

The shock of the fall sent another burst of pain through his body, bad enough that he couldn’t breathe for a few seconds. Still gasping for breath, he reached out an arm with jerky movements, took the scroll from the flak jacket pocket and unrolled it. He cut the side of his index finger open with the nail of his thumb and smeared the blood across the summoning seal. As he pressed his hand to the seal, he tried to focus on using as little chakra as possible; he didn’t have much to spare if he wanted to function tomorrow.

He didn’t quite remember closing his eyes, but the next thing he knew, was that something pushed against his hand – a dog’s nose. “Boss,” a gruff voice said. “Are you okay? What’d you do?”

“Pakkun,” Kakashi breathed. He hadn’t necessarily been focusing on summoning a specific dog; he must’ve called for Pakkun half-subconsciously. It made sense. As the smallest member of the pack, Pakkun cost the least chakra to summon. “Could you… get me a painkiller?” He hated how his voice cracked – it was hard to talk when he was lying on his stomach and could barely lift his head.

“Sure thing.”

“There’s a box of them… in the bathroom. Left cabinet.”

“I know, I know,” Pakkun called as he left the room.

In another room, Kakashi could hear how Pakkun crawled into the sink to open the cabinet door. Just a few seconds later, the pug returned to the bedroom. He dropped the box of painkillers next to Kakashi’s outstretched hand. Kakashi somehow managed to fumble the box open and take out one of the pills.

Pakkun nudged against Kakashi’s shoulder. “You should sit up, boss,” he said. “Don’t try to swallow something when you’re lying down like that. Knowing your luck, you’ll probably choke and die.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kakashi replied faintly. He waited until the pain was back to an acceptable level, and then carefully rolled over to prop himself up against the side of the bed. Breathing hard, he pulled down his mask and dry swallowed the pill, and took a moment to savor the promise of pain relief.

Pakkun was still studying him seriously, the ever-present frown on his face even deeper than usual. “You look like crap,” he said eventually.

“Well, thanks for that.” Kakashi pulled his mask back into place, absently noting that the fabric was damp with sweat. He didn’t care enough to be grossed out by it.

“I mean it,” Pakkun said. He sat down next to Kakashi’s knee, which Kakashi now noticed was trembling. “What did you do? That eye of yours looks really bad – what happened to it?”

Kakashi leaned his head back against the side of his bed, closing his eyes. He hadn’t realized that he hadn’t yet had the chance to give his pack an update on the whole situation, and he truly didn’t feel like doing it now. “It’s burned,” he said tiredly. “Blind.”

“So you’ve been using up lots of chakra. With that other eye of yours.”

“I guess you could say that,” Kakashi murmured. “But that’s not… why I’m in pain right now, though. This is just some muscle soreness from training this morning. It’ll pass.” He cracked his eye open to look at Pakkun. “Thanks for your help.”

“Are you dismissing me now?” Pakkun asked, baring his teeth to show his displeasure. It wasn’t very intimidating. “I don’t care if you don’t want to fully tell me what’s going on, but don’t expect me to leave just because you tell me to.” He scoffed. “I’m staying until you feel better, and that’s that.”

Somewhere deep inside, Kakashi regretted summoning Pakkun out of all of his ninken. He was far too smart to do as he was told. Maybe Kakashi should’ve just summoned a dog that gave less of a damn about him.

But on the other hand… At least he wasn’t alone.

“Fine, whatever,” Kakashi replied. He dragged one arm onto his mattress and hauled himself back into bed. His arms shook underneath his weight, but Pakkun said nothing about it. Kakashi was grateful for that – he wasn’t in the mood to be scolded by a dog.

He slowly settled into bed, careful not to make any movements that would cause his muscles to protest again. Pakkun helped by pulling the blankets over him, one by one. He then sat down in front of Kakashi, nearby but far enough away that Kakashi wouldn’t hit him if his arms spasmed out of his control again.

Neither of them said anything. Kakashi closed his eyes at some point. He felt safe with Pakkun nearby, even though the pug wasn’t able to physically defend Kakashi from harm. He supposed that his presence just made Kakashi feel more at ease.

After a while, the painkiller finally kicked in, and the tension in Kakashi’s muscles disappeared. He shifted in bed, thankful that moving didn’t hurt, anymore.

Pakkun must’ve noticed that he was feeling less miserable, but he didn’t leave. He was still sitting there as Kakashi drifted off to sleep, and it wasn’t until Tenzou knocked on Kakashi’s door that Pakkun nudged Kakashi awake, asked if he was okay, and then disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished my school project for this semester!! Who knew that it was so much work to research and design an _entire app_ in 10 weeks’ time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking a nap for the next damn week, jeez
> 
> Also, special thanks for this chapter go to: that one time in November when I had my first experience of being in so much pain I couldn’t move~ That’s where I got the experience needed to write this chapter. Yay
> 
> Next chapter will be posted February 14th. Thanks for reading and stay safe!


	11. Movie Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so some minor elements of this chapter accidentally turned out a bit like another fic I wrote, but y’all can’t sue me for plagiarism because I’m ripping off my _own_ writing. Hah
> 
> (The fic in question is [_How To Be On Time For Team Movie Night: A Guide By Hatake Kakashi_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26443138) – if you’re a sucker for movie nights like I am, you might like it~)

“Guys. I think there’s something we need to talk about.”

It was late in the afternoon, after training. Yamato had left already, so now, Sai, Naruto and Sakura were the only ones left on the training field. Training had finished a while ago, but Sai was pretty comfortable where he was sitting on the grass, so he didn’t feel like going home just yet. It seemed that his teammates shared that thought.

Naruto looked up at Sakura, squinting against the sun. “What is it, Sakura?” he asked. Sai closed his book. It was impolite to read during a conversation.

Sakura rubbed the ends of her hair between her fingers, the way she did when she was thinking about something. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this,” she said, “but we only ever see Kakashi-sensei during training anymore. And he’s always really focused, so we haven’t really talked to him lately.” She sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t like it.”

Naruto nodded. “I get what you mean,” he replied. “Even if sensei usually left right after training, we always had lunch together, at least. And quiet moments during missions. And sometimes, we could drag him along when we went to do something fun, too. But we can’t do that right now, because he needs to rest so much.” He rested his chin on his hand. “I bet it sucks for him, too. I can’t imagine the boredom.”

Sai tried for a moment to imagine that boredom. He’d never been stuck in his apartment for most of the day, only able to go outside for a few hours and too tired to function for the rest of the day – and then not seeing anything for most of the time, on top of that. He didn’t know what it was like, but he could imagine how bored Kakashi must be. It was quite horrible.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Naruto, who snapped his fingers together. “I have an idea!” he said, already excited even though there was nothing to be excited about yet. “Maybe we should organize something fun to do, and then get sensei to come along!”

Sakura hummed. “It’d have to be something that doesn’t take a lot of energy, though. I don’t know many fun things that are calm like that.”

“I guess you’re right.” Naruto scrunched up in his face in thought. “There’s got to be _something_ , though…”

“Movie night.”

Both Naruto and Sakura gaped at Sai. He couldn’t really tell whether they liked the idea or not, but they were certainly surprised. “Uhm,” Naruto said. “What did you say, Sai?”

“A movie night,” Sai repeated. “We could organize a movie night.”

“Sai,” Sakura said slowly. “I’m… not sure if you’ve realized this, but Kakashi-sensei is supposed to only use his Sharingan for things that are absolutely necessary. I don’t think a movie falls in that category.”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” he replied. “I mean, we’ve done a movie night once before. And that time, Kakashi-sensei…”

“He fell asleep within the first half hour of the movie,” Naruto interrupted him, frowning. “I don’t get what you’re trying to say.”

Sakura shook her head at Naruto, her eyes widening. “No, let him speak, Naruto,” she said. “I think he’s onto something.”

Sai nodded, glad that he was finally getting his point across the right way. “That’s exactly why I think a movie night is a good idea. Because it doesn’t matter if Kakashi-sensei falls asleep in the middle of it.”

“Oh!” Naruto bounced in place. “Fun group activity that doesn’t take up a lot of energy! Sai, you’re a genius!”

“Thank you,” Sai replied, accepting the compliment. “So, are you two free tomorrow night?”

They were free, so the next morning, the younger half of Team Kakashi waited excitedly for their team leaders. Sai had gotten up extra early to rent a movie at the library; the VHS tape was sitting safely in his backpack. He’d picked out a romance movie, since that appeared to be Kakashi’s favorite genre. Judging by the summary, the plot was corny and cliché, so it should be pretty easy to follow the story even without being able to see.

He’d paid attention to the rating, though – Kakashi and Sai himself may be used to media for a more mature audience, but Naruto and Sakura were not. If he made them watch a movie that they were too young for, they might ban him from ever choosing a movie again.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto yelled as soon as he caught sight of him. “Yamato-taichou! Good morning!”

“Such enthusiasm this early in the morning,” Kakashi sighed. “Is there any particular reason you’re trying to wake up the neighborhood, Naruto?”

“Actually, there is,” Sai replied, but then paused. Kakashi’s sarcasm sounded half-hearted; he seemed sincerely tired. He suddenly wasn’t sure, anymore, whether it was a good idea to force him into doing something fun.

“We’re having a movie night tonight, sensei,” Naruto said when Sai didn’t continue. “We were wondering if you and Yamato-taichou would like to join us.”

Yamato just stared at them, his mouth opened a little bit. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” he said slowly. “Since Kakashi’s Sharingan…”

“We know, we know,” Naruto interrupted him. “We’re not dumb. Please, though… Just consider.”

“It might be nice to just relax together,” Sakura added quietly. “As a team.”

Kakashi frowned and turned away from them a bit; even though his eyes were closed, it looked like he was avoiding eye contact. “Guys, I don’t…”

“There will be snacks,” Naruto cut in quickly. “We’ll pay for it. And Sai picked out a romance movie that, well, I don’t really understand the appeal of, but I’m sure you’ll like it, sensei…” He trailed off, clenching his fists in frustration. “Please.”

Kakashi stayed silent. Eventually, Yamato sighed and uncomfortably ran a hand through his hair. “Let’s just start training,” he said, although Sai was sure that he wasn’t being impatient – Yamato just wanted this awkward silence to stop. “Kakashi could let you know later--”

“Actually,” Kakashi said, “I’m free tonight.”

“So you’ll join us?” Naruto asked. He was already vibrating with excitement.

Kakashi nodded, his cheeks tipping up a little – he was grinning. “Yeah. It’s the free snacks that won me over, honestly.”

Sai was pretty sure that Kakashi was lying about that. It didn’t really matter, though. Whether it was the snacks or the movie or simply the idea of doing something other than training or sleeping for a change that had convinced Kakashi to join them, Sai was just glad that he got to spend some time with his sensei again.

* * *

Kakashi _really_ should have given this whole movie night some more thought.

It wasn’t that he regretted his decision to join his kids, per se. But now that he was getting ready to leave home, he was starting to realize that he just wanted to go back to sleep. He’d even held back during training to spare his energy, and he’d left early so that he’d be able to sleep a little more. It hadn’t been very effective, Kakashi pondered as he tried – and failed – to shake the sleepiness from his head.

Still, he tried his best not to regret his decision. He would’ve felt guilty if he’d turned his students down. He couldn’t tell them ‘no’, not after they’d offered so often to help out with cleaning or cooking or running errands and he’d turned them down often enough that they didn’t ask, anymore. They’d sounded so _desperate_ , today, somehow. Like they’d be seriously disappointed if he’d said ‘no’.

Spending an evening hanging out with them didn’t sound so bad, anyway. Even though he probably wouldn’t be able to follow the movie properly with his eyes closed, maybe it would give him a break from focusing on his chakra exhaustion. Maybe he’d be able to relax a little.

He had the forethought of taking a painkiller before leaving; training still left his muscles feeling awfully sore, and his students noticing that he was in pain could spell disaster. He didn’t like the fact that he’d gotten so out of shape. He liked the knowledge that muscle fatigue was a symptom of chakra exhaustion even less, though, so he tried to put that thought away where he didn’t have to look at it.

He’d fallen asleep in his uniform after training, which was gross, so Kakashi managed to scrape together the energy to take a shower. The only clean clothes that he had, were an old ANBU tank top and a pair of pajama pants. It was better than nothing, so he put them on. He didn’t really care what his students thought of it – they’d seen him in hospital clothes, which was arguably the worst outfit in _history_ , so anything was better than that. He also had the cloak that Konoha shinobi used when the weather was bad, but that’d make him stick out like a sore thumb in this summery weather, so he just put on the uniform sweater that smelled the least bad. Kakashi’s sense of smell was a hundred times better than his students’, so they probably wouldn’t notice that he smelled of sweat.

He left home earlier than he normally would, so that he wouldn’t be _infuriatingly_ late, just a little late. They’d agreed to meet at Sakura’s house; Naruto’s apartment wasn’t big enough for all of them, Kakashi himself didn’t own a TV, and only the gods knew where Sai lived. Sakura’s parents weren’t home, apparently, and Kakashi was thankful for that. He still hadn’t forgotten the first – and only – time he’d visited them and had gotten stuck in hours’ worth of idle small talk.

Tenzou wasn’t coming, either. Kakashi felt bad for it, but he was glad that Tenzou wouldn’t be around. He worried far too much. It was slowly starting to get on Kakashi’s nerves to see Tenzou’s anxious chakra signature from the corner of his eye all the time.

Sakura’s house wasn’t far, but it was just far enough to make Kakashi feel chilly in the cooling evening air. He tried not to think about it for too long, instead picked up the pace and ignored his occasional shivers.

Naruto opened the door to Sakura’s house before Kakashi even had the chance to knock. “Hi, Kakashi-sensei!” he shouted, waving at him. He was in his pajamas as well, pajama pants underneath a black T-shirt with an Uzumaki swirl on it. The pants looked like a bright shade of red to Kakashi, but he knew Naruto well enough to confidently assume that they were orange.

Kakashi raised a hand to wave back. “Evening, Naruto,” he replied as he stepped into the house and took off his sandals. “Sorry I’m late, by the way. I hope you didn’t start the movie without me?”

Naruto shook his head. “Nah. You’re not actually _that_ late, sensei, so we figured we’d wait.” He closed the door behind Kakashi and grinned. “Come in.”

Naruto lead him to the living room, where Sai sat on the couch, reading. He put the book away as soon as Kakashi walked in, but Kakashi caught the title regardless. _How To Take Care Of A Sick Teammate_ , it said. It stung a bit that Sai had already finished half of the book.

“Oh, hi, sensei,” came Sakura’s voice from his left, distracting him. “You’re almost on time. I’m surprised.”

There was no bite to her tone, none of the snark that she seemed to have learned from Tsunade. Something inside Kakashi remarked bitterly that his students were being overly nice to him, but he quickly forced that thought from his head. Their chakra signatures seemed calm enough, and he didn’t want to change that by acting paranoid. “Well, I haven’t had many meetings that I could be late to, lately,” he replied, shrugging. He hoped that the lighthearted tone came across the way he wanted it to. “I guess I’m a bit out of shape.”

Naruto snickered, to his relief. “Yeah, just give it a couple of weeks,” he said. “You’ll be back to being two, three hours late in no time, Kakashi-sensei.”

“Naruto!” Sakura scowled at him. “Don’t jinx us, yeah? Don’t give sensei any ideas.” She sighed when Naruto stuck his tongue out at her. “Anyway, sensei, sit down. We’ve already got the movie ready, so we’re ready to start.”

Kakashi nodded and closed his Sharingan – he’d gotten a good enough impression of the room to walk around blindly. He successfully made his way over to the couch without hitting his shins on the coffee table.

“Oh, by the way, sensei,” Sakura said, “we’ve got some snacks; would you like some?”

“I brought popcorn and some potato chips,” Naruto added. “And there’s some candy bars, too. I’ve got dibs on one of the candy bars, though, so you can’t have _all_ of them.”

Kakashi couldn’t help but smile. “Some popcorn would be nice, thanks.”

One of the kids handed him a bowl of popcorn, while the other turned on the movie. Sai helpfully informed Kakashi that they all had their backs turned towards him, so he could eat in peace and didn’t have to worry about his “blimp lips and/or buck teeth” – at which Naruto and Sakura shushed Sai aggressively. Kakashi smiled to himself; whatever bizarre rumors the original Team Seven had made up about his face, he was glad that their newest teammate was included in their ridiculousness.

The movie started. If the kids were bothered that Kakashi couldn’t watch the movie with them, they didn’t show it. Naruto insisted on describing every image in detail, which wasn’t helpful in the least, but Kakashi could appreciate the sentiment.

Despite Naruto’s loud commentary, Kakashi eventually felt himself starting to drift off. He didn’t want to sleep – he didn’t want his kids to have made the effort of inviting him, and then just fall asleep in the middle of the evening. That’d be even worse than not showing up at all.

But the room was warm, and the sound of the movie and Naruto’s chattering had faded to pleasant background noise, and Kakashi felt at ease. Sleepiness crept up on him, and he didn’t fight it.

He jolted awake to a silent room, much later.

His Sharingan snapped open automatically. Kakashi half expected three furious kids to be standing over him, but the room was almost entirely dark. Kakashi could make out the outlines of Naruto and Sakura sitting slumped on the couch, both of them fast asleep.

Sai appeared to be missing from the picture at first glance, but Kakashi then noticed him sitting in the corner, his arms crossed as if he’d been standing guard. His chin was resting on his chest; he’d nodded off as well.

Crap. So Kakashi had slept for long enough that the kids had eventually given up on having a fun evening. The TV was turned off, but it wasn’t late enough yet that the movie would’ve been finished. They’d likely turned off the movie as soon as they realized that Kakashi had fallen asleep.

Guilt grew in his chest, tight and heavy. He’d ruined their evening, that was certain. It… was probably for the best if he just left, now.

He got up from the couch, belatedly noting that somebody had draped a blanket over him. So he’d probably been shivering in his sleep as well. How pathetic.

He left without waking any of the kids up – that was the least he could do. When he got back home and got into bed, he couldn’t fall asleep.

That was karma, he supposed. He deserved to lie awake and think about his mistakes.

He deserved to wallow in how he’d disappointed his kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, did you think this was going to be wholesome?? You were wrong!! It’s time for Guilt and Miscommunication™!
> 
> The next chapter will be posted February 28th. As you may have noticed, I’ve changed the number of chapters this story will have – I said I wanted it to be _at least_ twenty chapters, and I’ve figured out that this fic will end up being about twenty-five chapters. More or less.
> 
> I’ll soon be making some edits to the earlier chapters as well. No earthshattering changes, but it’s been brought to my attention that there’s some minor inconsistencies in this fic, so I want to fix those. And I’ve also noticed that there’s _lots_ of swearing in the first chapter, while there’s actually not as much swearing in the rest of the fic. I’ll be editing the language in the first chapter, so if you want to re-read Kakashi saying “fuck”, then feel free to save the current version of chapter 1 lol
> 
> I’m also proud to announce that this fic has passed 420 kudos as of today. Hashtag blaze it. (And thanks to everyone who’s left kudos!! I have to be honest, when I posted the first chapter I really wasn’t sure if this fic would get any readers at all, so I’m really thankful for all of you!)
> 
> Thanks for reading, stay safe, and also a happy Valentine’s day!


	12. About Eyeballs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so school suddenly slapped me with more homework than I expected, so I had some trouble finishing this week’s update in time.. This chapter was supposed to be longer, but I was only able to finish the first scene for now, so please enjoy
> 
> I'll have the second half of this chapter posted next Sunday (March 7th) – thanks for reading, and thank you for your patience! :)

“I’m just saying, Sai. I think it’d be pretty cool if Kakashi-sensei got another special eye.”

“They’re called doujutsu, and no, it wouldn’t be cool at all.”

Sakura could hear the boys argue from outside the ramen stand. It was lunch time, and Sakura had had a meeting with Tsunade during their break – and she’d found Naruto and Sai at Ichiraku’s, shouting about something dumb. She paused outside of the ramen stand, briefly wondering if she even wanted to join this conversation at all, and then ducked inside.

“Oh, Sakura, you’re back!” Naruto greeted her before she could even say anything. “We need your opinion on something. We were talking about how Kakashi-sensei could replace his missing eye. I think it’d be pretty awesome if he got another doujutsu, but Sai is being difficult about it.”

Sai narrowed his eyes at him, an expression that looked a frightening amount like Yamato. “It’s a fact that transplanted doujutsu drain lots of chakra,” he replied coolly. “Sensei would have to walk around with his eyes closed the whole time. It’s not practical.”

“Doujutsu only drain chakra if they’re activated,” Naruto shot back. “So if we’re talking about a Byakugan, then there wouldn’t be any problem.”

“Byakugan permanently stay activated when they’re transplanted, Naruto,” Sakura sighed, sitting down, “just like Sharingan. Plus, sensei refused any transplant from a living person, remember? So unless you’re planning on murdering a Hyuuga, this discussion is pointless.”

Naruto rocked his stool back and forth frustratedly, the furniture creaking underneath his weight. “But it’d be so _cool_ …”

“I think you mean that it’d be really _annoying_ ,” Sai corrected him. “If I understand correctly, then the Sharingan’s vision is in different shades of red, but the Byakugan sees in black and white. That sounds like an awful kind of vision to have.”

Sakura nodded. “You’d also see different chakra pathways with each eye. That doesn’t seem like it’d be easy to work with.”

Naruto sat up straight on his stool, frowning in thought. “Wait,” he said. “If you only have one Byakugan, would you still have 360º vision, or would it only be 180º?”

Sakura sighed and leaned her chin on her hand. “I don’t know,” she said. “Why are we discussing this, again?”

“We were talking about yesterday night at first,” Sai replied, “but then the subject suddenly changed to Kakashi-sensei, and then to doujutsu. I’ve learned that Naruto likes to switch topics at the drop of a hat, so I allowed him to do that. And then you returned, Sakura, so then we included you in our conversation. That’s why we’re discussing this.” As Naruto stuck his tongue out at him, Sai turned to Sakura. “If I may ask, where were you, anyway?” he asked her. “You were gone for quite a long time. Lunch break is almost over already.”

Sakura paused. She’d left after morning training to report to Tsunade – Tsunade had asked Sakura to keep an eye on Kakashi, since she was the only medical-nin on the team. She’d also asked her to try and keep that mission a secret. Sakura could imagine why; if Kakashi found out that she’d been observing him the whole time, he might not like it. So she couldn’t tell Sai, and he definitely noticed that she hesitated.

Thankfully, Naruto jumped in to save her, either knowingly or completely at random. “Speaking of last night,” he said, his face suddenly serious, “I’m not sure if our plan was a complete success.”

Sai raised his eyebrows at him. “What do you mean? We convinced Kakashi-sensei to come along to our movie night, and he seemed pretty relaxed before he fell asleep. That was our plan.”

“Yeah, that’s true, but…” Naruto frowned. “I don’t know. He was gone by the time we woke up. I just think it was weird of him to leave so suddenly.”

Sakura nodded pensively. “And he seems more distant, too, all of a sudden.”

“Yeah. He didn’t even tell us good morning, and he left without saying anything.” Naruto leaned forward across the bar, resting his chin on his crossed forearms. “I feel like we’ve done something wrong, but I don’t know _what_.”

Sakura sat back and bit the inside of her cheek. She had a dozen of theories, all of them bad. It didn’t help that Tsunade had disapproved of the movie night when Sakura told her about it just now. _“I know that your team is important for all of you,”_ she’d said, _“but you should probably let Kakashi focus on his mission for now.”_ The words stung, even though Sakura knew that she was right.

Sai had a troubled look on his face, his expression similar to how Sakura felt. “Maybe we unintentionally tired Kakashi-sensei out,” he said. “I mean, we _did_ invite him during a time that he should normally be sleeping.” He looked away. “Or he’s mad at us, somehow. I personally think that that’s the worst option.”

“Yeah,” Naruto agreed quietly.

Sakura shook her head. “I don’t think sensei is mad at us,” she said, “but… Well. Maybe it’s for the best if we postpone our team activities until he’s finished his mission, or until he’s fully recovered.”

“You’re right, but it still sucks.” Naruto laid his forehead on his arms. “I stand by the fact that I’d happily give up my own damn eye to make Kakashi-sensei better,” he grumbled into his sleeves. “Taking an eye from a dead guy is super morbid, anyway.”

Sakura smiled wrily. “I agree with you,” she replied, “but Kakashi-sensei doesn’t want us to make that kind of sacrifice, and I can imagine why. Looking at your teammate’s empty eye socket and knowing that their missing eye has ended up in your own face, sounds like a pretty difficult thing to deal with.”

“You sound like you’ve given this a lot of thought,” Sai said to her.

“Unfortunately enough, I have.” It was one of the many things that had kept her awake during the nights that Kakashi had still been at the hospital. Her overthinking had quieted down a little after that, but she had a feeling that she was going to lie awake again tonight, worrying about why Kakashi could be avoiding them. “Anyway, let’s just try not to bother sensei too much, for now. His training seemed to be going relatively well until today, and he’s got enough to worry about; I’m sure he doesn’t need us interfering.”

_“You should let Kakashi focus on his mission for now.”_

Tsunade’s words echoed in Sakura’s mind for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conversation about doujutsu in this chapter was inspired by a conversation in the comments of chapter 5; I’d wanted to let the kids of Team Kakashi have another discussion about eyeballs ever since then, and now I finally had the chance to make that scene happen! Thank you thesaintraphael, bubbleblonde and marzlove for slapping me with that good inspiration~
> 
> As mentioned, I’ll update March 7th! I’ll see you then :)


	13. About Eyeballs / Arriving Early For A Change

It was late in the afternoon, and Kakashi should be asleep.

He’d tried to sleep, he really had. His whole body demanded sleep like a Torture & Interrogation specialist demanded answers; loudly and with the threat of awful pain. He _needed_ to sleep, could feel it in his muscles, in his head.

Still, no matter what he tried, he stayed awake. His mind kept replaying the previous night, over and over. As if he was an awkward civilian teenager who’d done something embarrassing on somebody else’s birthday party, except Kakashi was twenty-nine, and the embarrassing thing in question may have changed the way his students saw him forever.

His kids had tried so hard to find contact with him, and when they’d finally convinced Kakashi to do something fun with them, he was careless enough to _fall asleep_ instead of spending time with them.

But even though all of that sucked, it wasn’t the movie night itself that he was worried about, per sé; he wasn’t so childish. Sure, he felt bad about disappointing his kids, but he was sure that they’d eventually forgive him. They might yell at him for a bit the next time they spoke, but that would probably be all.

What kept Kakashi awake, was how his kids would see him when they got back to doing missions together. They’d seen, now, how vulnerable he was – something that he’d tried desperately to keep from them. How vulnerable he was, while he was supposed to be their leader.

In a life-threatening situation, would they trust him to protect them? Or would they remember him as he was now, tired and trembling and _fragile_ , and put their own lives in danger instead?

Shaking, exhausted, half-blind, vulnerable. He didn’t like that image of himself.

He’d always wanted his students to see him as someone strong. Maybe not necessarily someone to look up to – being a role model was a daunting idea – but he’d done his best to show them that he was someone they could rely on when it mattered the most. He showed off during their first bell test, he protected them from Zabuza, he shielded them from Orochimaru’s and Itachi’s influence as much as he could. He made a point to stand up proud and nonchalant whenever his kids were around and hated himself when he couldn’t.

And when his kids left with the Sannin, each with their own plans to improve themselves, Kakashi followed their lead and worked to improve himself, too – it’d be mortifying if these tiny hyperactive genin actually _beat him_ the next time they sparred, wouldn’t it? So he worked hard during the two years they were gone; got back into shape after years of slacking off, finally trained his Mangekyou Sharingan. Kakashi was certain that he’d never been stronger.

This morning, the simple effort of walking home from the training grounds had almost made him pass out. He’d gotten too lightheaded to continue – the consequence of a _single sleepless night_ – and he’d had to sit down in the middle of a fifteen-minute walk. And for a shinobi, who would normally be able to cross the Land of Fire from East to West in a day’s time, it was--

It was pathetic, that was probably the right word for it.

He couldn’t let his team see him like this. So he’d kept his distance, and he’d left without saying anything. At this point, with the lack of sleep muddling his thoughts, he honestly couldn’t tell whether that would make things better or worse.

Kakashi sighed and splashed some water in his face, forcibly dragging himself back to the present. He needed to stop zoning out; he had an appointment with Tsunade soon, and she was perfectly capable of murdering him if he showed up late. Not that he was going to be late – he’d started getting ready early – but he was tired of these hours upon hours of overthinking. It was time for his brain to shut up.

He was standing in his bathroom, heavily leaning his elbows on the edge of the sink. He’d held back while training that morning, because he’d already been exhausted before he’d started, but his body still ached, his muscles contracting occasionally with painful shivers. The painkiller that he’d taken, barely helped at all.

He straightened up, slowly, as not to aggravate the dizziness that still swirled around in his skull. He reached for a towel to dry off his face, but he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and paused. Normally, he’d quickly turn away, because the sight of his right eye freaked him out a lot and he’d been avoiding looking at it – but now, he found himself staring.

His blinded eye didn’t necessarily look damaged on the outside. Naruto had told him that Kakashi’s eye had been alarmingly bloodshot after it had just gotten burned, but Sakura and Tsunade’s attempts to heal the eye had reduced that irritation.

His entire eye had become much lighter in the aftermath; the color looked like a shade of pink to Kakashi, so he guessed it was white or a light gray. It looked strange, very different from Kakashi’s own dark gray eyes, but at least it no longer looked as _“scary”_ as Naruto had described it. An unfamiliar passerby might not even realize that his right eye was blind; they’d just think that he had an unusual eye color and a bit of a glassy look to his eye.

But it was exactly that vacant stare, the fact that he could see his eye but not see _with_ it, that made his stomach turn. It looked _dead_.

The only eye he had left that was still his own, was dead.

Absent-mindedly, he placed a hand over his eye, so that he didn’t need to look at it, anymore. He rubbed at his face, trying to snap himself out of his thoughts. He felt the overly-smooth skin where his eyebrow ought to be, his missing eyelashes.

The burn scar was large, larger than it seemed when he was wearing his mask. It was larger than his hand, running all the way down his jaw and disappearing underneath the collar of his sweater. He grimaced with an unpleasant realization; for as long as he could remember, there’d been rumors that he was hiding some disfiguring scar underneath his mask, and now those rumors had come true. He distantly longed for the days when there was nothing but a beauty mark underneath his mask.

He opened his eye again, watched it move in tandem with his Sharingan, unfocused, unseeing. He could feel his hand start to shake; he balled it into a fist. This was too much, he found himself thinking. When was all of this going to end? When, finally, would some other shinobi kick the bucket and allow Kakashi to use their eye for himself? When would some medical-nin make a mistake in their terribly flawless medical ninjutsu and let someone _die_?

Kakashi, too tired to stop himself, allowed himself to follow that train of thought briefly, before letting the guilt settle in. It wasn’t right to hope for someone’s death, especially an ally’s, yet he found himself having that thought more and more often.

He hated being unable to see, either on his right side or entirely. He hated the _guilt_ every time he used his Sharingan, the little voice in the back of his head reminding him that every minute that he used his Sharingan, was one more minute that he couldn’t spend training, one more minute that he should spend resting. He hated the bruises on his forearms and shins, collisions with doorframes and table corners in his own home.

He just wanted to go back to normal.

He was sick of being so _weak_.

Kakashi slapped another splash of cold water in his face. “That’s enough,” he mumbled to himself – he heard the words at the same time as his Sharingan processed its lipreading. “Stop thinking so much.”

The cold of the water caused an uncomfortable full-body chill, which distracted Kakashi enough from his thoughts to allow him to turn away from the mirror. He dried off his face, put on his mask, fastened his eyepatch in place and left the bathroom.

It was too early to leave home just yet – if he arrived at the Hokage’s office _too_ early, he might set Tsunade’s expectations too high – which meant that he had some time to either go back to bed for a bit or to eat something. He wasn’t hungry, but if he left the house with an empty stomach, he feared that he might pass out on the way to Tsunade’s office. And that would be pretty embarrassing, especially considering the effort Kakashi had put into pretending that his body wasn’t steadily shutting down again.

His fridge was empty; Kakashi never kept much food in there, anyway, and most of it had spoiled weeks ago when he was in the hospital. He should really get groceries again, but he didn’t have the time or energy to that, and it was too much effort to ask someone else to get groceries for him. For now, he’d just make himself some instant ramen, for the fourth time that week. Naruto would be proud.

He let the sound of the boiling water wash over him, drown out his thoughts. He ate his ramen with a spoon, which wasn’t necessarily practical, but it was far too difficult to use chopsticks when he couldn’t see what he was doing – he figured it was best to keep his Sharingan closed from now on, since he’d just gotten lost in thought for ten minutes while staring at himself in the mirror. He didn’t want to use even more chakra on stupid stuff like that, not when his exhaustion was clearly already messing with his head.

The ramen didn’t taste like much, but at least it washed away the lingering taste of the painkiller in his throat, and it warmed him up a little. He didn’t finish the cup; the simple act of chewing the noodles was draining enough that he didn’t want to do it for too long. He left the half-empty cup standing in the middle of the kitchen table. He’d clean it up later, when he wasn’t as tired.

He left his apartment soon after, after a brief search for his sandals – he’d taken them off somewhere on his way to bed when he came home that afternoon. As he passed the alarm clock on his nightstand, he smirked to himself.

How nice.

It seemed that he was going to be late, despite his best efforts.

* * *

“Kakashi? What are you doing here?”

Tsunade straightened up behind her desk. She’d been looking through some paperwork; she figured that it’d be good if she made herself useful on this uneventful afternoon. Shizune had gone out to grab them some dinner, so the Hokage’s office was empty, except for Tsunade herself and the man leaning against the doorframe.

Kakashi’s eyebrows twitched into a puzzled frown. “I’m here for our appointment?” he replied, the statement turning into a question as he spoke.

“I don’t…” Tsunade paused, her eyes darting down to the planner on her desk. “I don’t know how to tell you this, Kakashi, but you’re a whole day too early.”

She watched him think, count, realize, then visibly pale. “Ah,” he breathed. “I see.” He straightened up, slowly, and bowed his head. “I apologize for my mistake. I’ll be leaving, then.”

“Wait.” She didn’t like the shaky way he moved, the fact that he seemed vaguely out of breath. “We can talk now instead of tomorrow – I have some free time in my schedule right now. It’d suck if you came all this way for nothing.” Especially with how much effort it had clearly cost him to get here.

He shook his head. “It’s fine, I can come back tomorrow--”

Tsunade got up from her chair. “Just sit down.”

Kakashi didn’t protest further, which increased her worry. Using his Sharingan to see, he carefully made his way across the office and sat down where Tsunade had been sitting just now. His shoulders slumped as soon as he sat down, as if he’d been carrying the weight of the world. He looked small, and Tsunade was harshly reminded that he was only little more than half her age. So young.

“I’m sorry for getting the date wrong,” he repeated when she didn’t say anything. “I… didn’t sleep at all in the past twenty-four hours. I think the lack of sleep got to my head.”

Tsunade hummed and leaned her hip against her desk. Sakura had told her that afternoon that Kakashi had been acting distant from his team, and that he seemed to be holding back during his training; the fact that he hadn’t slept could definitely be a cause for that behavior. “How come you didn’t sleep?” she asked him.

He stilled. “I don’t know.”

“You weren’t doing anything reckless, were you?”

“No.” Good – that corresponded with Sakura’s report. Kakashi dragged a hand across his face; “I just… couldn’t fall asleep.”

He didn’t appear to be lying, although there was definitely something that he wasn’t telling her. With how much he seemed to be closing himself off, Tsunade was pretty certain that there was some psychological reason for his insomnia. It didn’t surprise her. Kakashi had clearly been dealing with a lot, lately. Tsunade would have trouble sleeping, too, if she were in his shoes.

Tsunade chewed on her lower lip, thoughtful. She wished she could help him, but mental health wasn’t the kind of health she was specialized in. And scheduling a psych evaluation seemed far too drastic. She decided to drop the subject – as long as Kakashi was still following her orders, it wasn’t her place to pry any further.

Instead, she focused on the consequences of his insomnia instead of the causes. “Tell me,” she said, “how are you feeling?”

He didn’t immediately reply “ _fine_ ”, which was a cause for concern. “Tired,” he said eventually. “And lightheaded. It’s not bad enough that I’ll faint, I think, but it’s… not pleasant.”

“Anything else?”

He shrugged, although the indifference of the gesture seemed forced. “Chills, sore muscles, headache,” he listed; the way he turned away from her betrayed his reluctance to speak. “Nothing I can’t deal with.”

“Right.” Tsunade was once again struck with the realization that Kakashi was _sick_ – someone who belonged in the hospital, or at the very least in bed. He shouldn’t have to push through his chakra exhaustion for a mission, no matter how important it was. “Did you feel this bad yesterday, or the day before?”

“No,” he replied. “I felt… Well, I felt better than I do now, at least.”

Tsunade nodded, mostly to herself. “It’s likely that your chakra exhaustion got aggravated so suddenly because you didn’t get enough rest,” she said, “but I’m guessing you figured so yourself, too.” When he nodded, she continued: “You should go home and try to sleep, now. If you still feel bad in the morning, you should take tomorrow off to rest.”

Kakashi nodded, although the movement was tense. “I understand.”

“Good.” Tsunade straightened up. “Are you still feeling lightheaded? You can sit here until you feel well enough to go home.”

He shook his head. “I don’t need to,” he replied. “It’s not as bad, anymore.” He got up from the chair; Tsunade noticed that his movements were less shaky than before, and that he managed to stand up straight. It seemed that sitting down had helped. “I’ll go home, now. Thank you for your time, Lady Hokage.”

“Take care, Kakashi,” Tsunade replied numbly. She watched him leave, carefully inspecting his footsteps on any sign of unsteadiness, but she didn’t find anything. As soon as the door shut behind him, she sank down into her office chair, closing her eyes underneath a tired frown.

This was bad.

Kakashi was exhausted, but he was following her orders to a T. He seemed to take enough time off to rest, and he didn’t push himself too hard during training – that was what Sakura reported, and Tsunade trusted her judgement.

But Sakura also told her that Kakashi was reluctant to accept help. That he seemed to be closing himself off from his team. That he was still able to train, seemingly well, but that he was slowly nearing his mental and physical limits.

And there was nothing that Tsunade could do about it. She couldn’t allow Kakashi more rest than he already had. There was a mission that he needed to complete – he was the _only one_ who could do that. She couldn’t let Kakashi get the rest he clearly needed.

In moments like these, she hated being the Hokage. She hated having to make these decisions.

Damn, she needed a drink.

Right then, another knock sounded on her door. A shock of anxiety shot through Tsunade, and she straightened up. “Come in.”

Contrary to what she’d expected, two men stepped into her office. Tsunade felt her eyes widen, if only slightly. One of the men was Yamanaka Inoichi. The other was a tall ANBU – specifically, the only person who knew the whereabouts of their target missing-nin. The pieces of the puzzle that needed solving.

Inoichi and the ANBU bowed their heads at Tsunade. The ANBU took off his mask. There were dark shadows underneath his eyes. Made sense, since he’d spent days under the influence of genjutsu and with Konoha’s genjutsu specialists probing around in his mind. More tired faces in her office, Tsunade thought absently.

“Evening, Lady Hokage,” Inoichi said. “We have good news for you.”

At this point, Tsunade wasn’t sure anymore what counted as good news and what didn’t. “What is it?”

“I managed to break the genjutsu,” Inoichi said. There was only the slightest hint of pride in his voice, buried under layers of fatigue from working almost non-stop for days. “We figured out the location of the missing-nin.”

The ANBU produced a map from his pocket and brought it to Tsunade. She studied the piece of paper; a spot in the woods around Konoha was marked with an ‘x’.

“That’s the location where we last saw our targets,” the ANBU said, gesturing towards the ‘x’. “If my guess is right, then they won’t be far away from that spot. One of the missing-nin was badly injured – he couldn’t walk properly without the other one’s help. I overheard him saying that he broke a couple of ribs.”

“So there were two of them?” Tsunade asked. “And they were working together, the last time you saw them?”

“That’s correct, Lady Hokage.”

Tsunade hummed. The injured missing-nin must be the one who’d been on the receiving end of Sakura’s fist. The one who used fire ninjutsu. He could consider himself lucky that he was still alive. “Do you think that the injured one is much of a threat?” she asked.

The ANBU frowned. “Difficult to say,” he replied. “I haven’t seen him in action. The genjutsu specialist took us out by herself.”

Tsunade leaned forward, leaned her chin on her hands. “What do you know about the genjutsu specialist?”

“She’s a young teen, still,” the ANBU said, “twelve or thirteen years old. Likely a genin, and not physically very strong. She mainly uses senbon to paralyze her opponents – the senbon aren’t poisoned, and she seems to mainly target the nerve endings in her opponents’ arms.” He swallowed thickly, cleared his throat. “And she also has at least one Konoha-style kunai with her, taken from my squadmate.”

“Her genjutsu is strong,” Inoichi added when the ANBU didn’t continue. “The jutsu that she uses to knock her opponents unconscious, can usually be broken within seconds – but hers is more difficult to break, and she can use it on multiple people at once.” He sighed. “And the mental block that she used, wasn’t easy to break, either. It took a team of genjutsu specialists several days to figure out. And then there’s the jutsu she uses to conceal her chakra, which will make it hard to find her.”

Tsunade chewed on the inside of her cheek. The girl’s strong genjutsu shouldn’t be a problem if she sent out Kakashi; his Sharingan blocked all genjutsu. Finding the missing-nin was the trickier part, but they’d found a starting point, and ninja hounds should be able to track them from there. On top of that, the ninjutsu specialist was already weakened. Under normal circumstances, this should be an easy fight.

But these weren’t normal circumstances. Tsunade thought of Kakashi’s quiet voice, his hunched shoulders. This news had come at the exact moment that he’d taken a turn for the worse. She couldn’t send him on a mission, not right now. That was a death sentence.

There was another idea growing her mind, but it was a gamble, a risk. But the chances of this plan succeeding, were far greater than the chances of Kakashi succeeding – even _surviving_ , the way he was now.

“This chakra-concealing jutsu,” she said, straightening up in her chair. “Can we be sure that the genjutsu specialist is using it right now?”

Inoichi nodded. “One of our sensory types checked,” he replied. “Neither of the missing-nin can be found anywhere.”

“So the genjutsu specialist has been actively concealing their chakra,” Tsunade murmured, “probably for the past couple of days.” Concealing someone’s chakra was a taxing task; not to even mention concealing the chakra of _two_ people, for days on end. No matter how large the girl’s chakra reserves were, they must be starting to run out by now. On top of that, she needed to be awake to use that jutsu, which meant that she’d probably barely slept.

There was no way she could still cast genjutsu in that state.

Which meant that she was nowhere near as dangerous as before.

With the girl unable to cast genjutsu and the ninjutsu specialist injured, Tsunade could send out a shinobi who couldn’t block genjutsu. It didn’t _have_ to be Kakashi.

She rose from her chair and quickly wrote down her orders. “Take this to ANBU headquarters,” she told the ANBU, handing him the scroll. “Tell them to assemble a squad of sensory-type shinobi and genjutsu specialists.” Just to be safe. “After that, I want you to go home and rest – you, too, Inoichi. And don’t worry about the missing-nin anymore.” She grinned. “We’re solving this problem tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to finish than I expected; there’s a lot of emotional dilemma and plot development in this chapter that I _really_ wanted to show the right way, so I needed to take the time for this chapter~ Thank you for your patience!
> 
> The next chapter will be posted March 21st and will mark the start of the next important plot point! Thanks for reading, stay safe, and I’ll see you then :)


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